A Princess Prays Read online

  There were two bottles of wine, one being Father Jozsef’s speciality and the other from the Monastery.

  Gesa made Attila try a little of both and she much preferred Father Jozsef’s.

  She was, however, not very interested in what she was drinking and she really had no idea what she ate.

  She was fascinated by everything Gesa was telling her and she listened wide-eyed as he described a visit he had made recently to Russia and another to France.

  “I came to know the people quite well,” he related. “Not only those I was staying with, but the ordinary people of both countries. They taught me so much and they had a fascination for life which I believe is vital for everyone to have wherever they live.”

  “Fascinating in what sort of way?” enquired Attila.

  “Not only in their looks and the way they live, but also what they thought and their opinions. It is so very important in this day and age when so much is happening in our lives to know what people think and why they think it.”

  Attila knew what he was trying to say and because it amused her, she started to question him about the way he used his mind.

  If he thought in a different way, she said he might be of greater significance to his country and the people he lived with.

  It was the sort of conversation she would have had with her father when he was well and it was always very stimulating to criticise, to agree and to criticise again.

  Especially with this handsome young man.

  She soon realised he was most intelligent and well-read.

  “How do you know so much about the world,” she asked him, “when you have obviously only visited a small part of it?”

  “I have read a great deal,” he replied, “and I have cultivated men and women from other countries when I have a chance to meet them. Last year I met a man from Egypt who told me so much I did not know. About the Pyramids, the Sphinx and the philosophy that lies behind them.”

  Attila gave a little cry.

  “That is what I would love to know. Oh, please tell me what you have learnt.”

  Gesa looked up at the sky.

  “I would really like to do that, but at the same time I think we should be moving on. You have another night to spend before you reach home.”

  It was with difficulty that Attila did not say she was glad about that.

  Now there was no more danger she wanted to stay with Gesa, as she felt he was telling her so much she had never known.

  Equally he was giving her something else which she could not put into words.

  *

  They rode a long way in the next few hours.

  Sometimes they were racing against each other and sometimes they let their horses walk at a slow pace through the grass while they talked.

  Finally Kilkos brought the carriage to an abrupt halt and Attila became aware that if they carried on for another two hours they could reach Valdina.

  She had no wish to hurry on and she found herself dreading the moment she would be back in the Palace.

  She would have to explain where she had been to her stepmother, who she knew would be really furious at her leaving before Prince Otto arrived.

  She might even have him still waiting for her, or she might have found another prospective groom.

  Attila’s heart sank at the mere thought of it.

  It would be difficult to obtain her father’s support without upsetting him.

  Worst of all would be the horror of being married to a man she did not know or love.

  But tonight she would have Gesa to talk to and she asked for nothing more.

  They had dinner together in a secluded spot and sat talking until the stars came out over their heads and the moon shone down on them, turning Attila’s hair to silver.

  Gesa told her again and again how lovely she was.

  “You are not to embarrass me,” she told him. “I am unused to compliments and although I don’t believe them, I find them rather embarrassing.”

  “Why should you not believe them, Lala? I swear that everything I say to you is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

  He held his hand theatrically over his heart as he spoke.

  “Then you must have met very few women, Gesa. I am always being told how beautiful the Russian women are, and the French are reckoned to be the most fascinating in the whole world.”

  “But you have something different,” he said, seriously this time.

  “What is that?” asked Attila looking astonished if a little pleased.

  “It is difficult to put into words, but I believe that your beauty is not only skin deep, but comes from your heart and soul, which makes it shine out overwhelmingly. I am certain that once a man has looked at you, it is impossible for him to look away.”

  Attila drew in her breath.

  “That is something I would really like to believe,” she murmured, “but I suspect because you express it so movingly, you have said it already to quite a number of women!”

  “Now you are insulting me,” replied Gesa, “I have told you the truth. I find you so lovely, not only your looks but your thoughts too, that I feel like picking you up in my arms and riding away, so that you will never see anyone but me again.”

  The way he spoke sounded completely sincere.

  Attila did not know how to answer him and Gesa moved a little nearer to her.

  “Now, I want you to answer a question truthfully,” he said.

  “I am always truthful.”

  “I am sure that is true and it is another fantastic and unusual thing about you.”

  “And what is your question, Gesa?”

  He looked deeply into her eyes which seemed to have caught the light from the stars.

  “Have you ever been kissed?”

  “No, of course not,” Attila replied quickly, blushing.

  “Why do you say ‘of course not’?”

  “Because I would not want anyone to try to kiss me unless I loved him and I have never loved anyone.”

  “Are you sure of that?” enquired Gesa.

  She became very conscious that now he was almost touching her.

  She once again felt a strange excitement coursing through her and she still could not explain it.

  “I think, my lovely angel, that at the moment we are in a world of our own and there is no one to disturb us. We are, in fact, at one with the stars and the moon.”

  Attila put back her head and looked up at the sky.

  As she did so, Gesa pulled her against him and his lips sought hers.

  She could not believe what was happening.

  Then, as she felt a thrill run through her entire being, he drew her closer still.

  His lips became more possessive, more demanding.

  Attila had often wondered what it would be like to be kissed.

  Now she knew it was beyond anything she could ever have imagined or anything she had dreamed about.

  It was wonderful! Marvellous! Glorious!

  At the same time it was magical.

  As Gesa kept on kissing her, she felt as if he carried her up into the stars.

  They were no longer human beings on earth but at one with the angels.

  His kisses were not human, more like a spiritual balm to her soul.

  It was a long time before Gesa raised his head.

  “I love you, my darling Lala,” he sighed, “as I have never thought it possible to love anyone.”

  “You love me?” Attila whispered breathlessly.

  “I do love you,” Gesa replied firmly. “Now tell me what are you feeling?”

  “It is so marvellous there are simply no words to express it. I think perhaps we have died and were not aware of it!”

  Gesa gave a little laugh.

  “We are not dead, my lovely one, but very much alive. I have now found you when I thought it would be impossible and what I wanted was merely a figment of my imagination.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Attila.

 
“It is you. I could not believe that you existed. I thought that all my life I should be alone, because what I yearned for was not only out of reach but did not exist.”

  He paused for a moment.

  “Now I have found you and you are mine. I will kill any man who tries to take you away from me!”

  He did not wait for her to answer, but began kissing her once again, kissing her with possessive and passionate kisses which made her whole body tremble.

  It was ecstasy so intense it was almost painful.

  Only as he stopped kissing Attila, because he was breathless, did she say,

  “I love you, I love you, Gesa! I did not know it was possible to feel like this. Oh, Gesa, I have prayed for love too and now God has given it to me.”

  “He has given you to me,” he murmured, “and no one shall ever take you from me.”

  Then he was kissing her again and there was no need for words.

  In their minds, their hearts and their souls they had both found the love they had sought for so long.

  *

  It was after midnight before Gesa would let Attila go back to the carriage.

  When they reached it there was no sign of the two men in charge, but she knew they would be asleep under the carriage.

  The horses were nearby quite content and comfortable in the warm night air and long grass.

  Gesa took Attila over to the carriage and opened the door for her.

  “It is an agony to leave you, my darling,” he said, “but when we are married, you will sleep in my arms and we will be together by day and by night.”

  “When we – are married?” Attila stammered.

  “Can we do anything else? You are mine and I am yours. How could we ever contemplate being married to anyone else?”

  He did not wait for an answer, but kissed her again.

  He kissed her until it was impossible for Attila to think and she could only quiver with the excitement and wonder of his lips.

  He kissed her eyes and her forehead and then he forced himself to leave her.

  He walked round the carriage to climb in on his own side.

  Attila undressed.

  Her whole being was singing with the wonder of love. It was quite impossible to think or speculate about tomorrow.

  After sleeping for a while she awoke.

  She was acutely aware that Gesa was near her, but they were firmly divided by a strong wooden board and she wondered if he too was awake and thinking about her.

  Then the full wonder of what she had felt when he kissed her swept over her again.

  ‘I love him, I adore him,’ she whispered to herself.

  Because she could not prevent it a question forced itself through her happiness.

  Would she be allowed to marry him?

  She had no knowledge of who he was.

  He had not even told her his other name.

  She could imagine what her stepmother would say about him.

  More importantly Attila knew that her father would question the possibility of her marrying a commoner.

  If she was married to anyone who was not Royal, it might be impossible for her to become Queen of Valdina on her father’s death.

  Any consort to share her life would have to be accepted by the people.

  She knew without being told he would have to be of some considerable influence himself.

  Anyone they thought was an ordinary man, not from an aristocratic family, would be sent away without her even being consulted about him.

  All through history the dynasty of Valdina had been of great significance and its Ruler held his or her place amongst Royalty in other parts of the world.

  It had not been easy as Valdina was a small country compared with Hungary or any of their other neighbours.

  Yet because of their Royal heritage there had never been any question of not being acknowledged by the other Kings and Princes of the region.

  Royalty was forgiven anything.

  Prince Otto was a man of disrepute who dear Father Jozsef and everyone else had spoken of disparagingly and yet he was Royal and the Ruler of quite a large Principality, so that meant that he would be accepted in any Court, regardless of his sins.

  In her anxiety to be rid of her troublesome stepdaughter, Attila knew that her stepmother had chosen cleverly.

  However much the King’s advisers disliked Prince Otto, they would find it hard to refute him as an eligible match for a Princess altogether.

  Attila shivered.

  Supposing they contemplated accepting Prince Otto on her behalf, how could she possibly propose Gesa taking his place?

  Perhaps Gesa had nothing more to commend him than his looks, his brain and his superb horse?

  ‘He must have some other advantages,’ she thought desperately.

  But no matter which way she looked at it she knew in her heart of hearts that it all boiled down to the fact that if his blood was not Royal, he would not be accepted by Valdina.

  It was with difficulty that she did not get out of bed, go round the carriage and beg him to reassure her.

  If the truth was even worse than she feared, it was too agonising to face.

  ‘How can I live without him now that I have found him? How could anyone else make me feel as I feel now?’

  She knew without being told it was impossible.

  She had prayed at the Shrine of Love and now she had found the love that Father Jozsef had told her would one day be hers.

  Yet having found it, it seemed that she would have to lose it.

  She thought that rather than let that happen she would run away with Gesa.

  The question was – would he take her?

  He might harbour no wish to take her for his wife when he found out the truth. After all, she would become a Princess who was no longer Royal and who was despised by her countrymen because she put her own desires before duty.

  Therefore she would have no place in her own country.

  Would he think it did not matter?

  Would he mind?

  Would he believe that love was more important than anything else?

  Would he perhaps take her away to some obscure island where no one would ever find them again?

  Attila knew that this was just impossible, just a load of hopeless daydreams.

  No young man could be expected to sacrifice his whole life for a woman and give up everything he loved.

  His hunting, his shooting, his riding!

  To turn his back on the comradeship of his friends – it was just an unthinkable sacrifice.

  However much he loved a woman, Attila was wise enough to know a man needed the company of his own sex.

  ‘If I took him away from all of that, he would soon begin to hate me,’ she told herself. ‘Then we would have nothing between us, not even our hearts.’

  She wanted to cry out at the agony in her heart.

  Yet she kept thinking that tomorrow, if only for a little while, she would still be with him.

  Perhaps he would kiss her again, as he had kissed her tonight, and she would feel the glory of his love seeping through her body.

  Once again he would be carrying her up to the stars.

  ‘I love him, I adore him,’ she said to herself over and over again.

  Yet there was a little devil sitting on her shoulder, whispering into her ear that it was all a dream and when she awoke, she would come back to reality.

  Then there would be nothing but the ashes of a fire that had burned out.

  Attila covered her eyes with her hands, knowing that now she was past praying.

  Past asking God to let her live with the illusion that everything could be perfect and she could marry Gesa.

  In fact they would have perhaps three or four hours together and then that would be the end.

  He would be sent away and she would watch him go, knowing he had taken her heart with him.

  Once again the thought flashed through her mind that the only thing she could do was to tell him the trut
h.

  She would suggest they might elope, even though she knew her father would be furious.

  He might even have Gesa arrested and the marriage annulled.

  She would then be forced back to the Palace and instead of it being the home she loved, it would be a prison from which she could not escape.

  “Duty! Duty! Duty!”

  She could hear the Ministers saying it to her over and over again.

  “It is your duty to Valdina.”

  “It is your duty to your people.”

  “It is your duty to your family.”

  “It is your duty to your Royal blood.”

  There was no way out.

  There was no escape.

  She could see it like a map laid out in front of her and for the rest of her life once Gesa had left her, she could only dream of him.

  Having lost him, she would have lost everything that ever mattered in life itself.

  “I love him! I love him!” she cried in her heart.

  The tears ran down her cheeks.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The morning that Attila had left the Palace the King deliberately did not ring the bell for his valet until eleven o’clock.

  When Frederik came to call him, he pulled back the curtains and the King said,

  “Frederik, I need your help.”

  He knew that the man who had been with him for many years was always delighted if he was taken into his confidence.

  “You know I will do anything Your Majesty requires,” replied Frederik as he stood by the bed.

  “My daughter, Her Royal Highness, was talking to me last night and she said it was a mistake for me to take this medicine, which is doing me no good, and the sleeping draught which always leaves me muzzy in the morning. I have now decided to stop them.”

  “That is good news, Your Majesty. I never thought them doctors were any good, but it weren’t my business to say so.”

  “I am your business, Frederik. Now what I want you to do is to throw away what they have given me, but without them, or Her Majesty, being aware of it.”

  He saw a faint smile on his valet’s lips and he knew he disliked the Queen, but Frederik had, of course, been too well-trained to say so.

  He could sense Frederik stiffening as Queen Margit came into the room.

  “I will pretend I am taking it,” the King carried on in a low voice, “but I am hoping with the water from Salem, I shall soon be feeling so much better.”