Learning to Love Read online

  As he sat down in the chair he said in a quiet and what he hoped was a reassuring voice, “Now that we are comfortable, I hope you will tell me exactly why you are running away. After all as I am now your husband it does concern me.”

  He saw the colour come into her cheeks.

  In the light of the candles he thought she was even lovelier than when he had seen first her at the front door.

  She did not answer and after a moment he continued,

  “You were going away apparently without any luggage or any conveyance waiting for you outside. How did you intend to travel to the Convent, wherever it may be?”

  She did not speak and he thought he was not going to receive an answer.

  Then at last in a hesitating, frightened little voice she said,

  “The convent is – in Florence.

  “Florence!” the Earl exclaimed. “How on earth could you have travelled there on your own unless someone was looking after you?”

  “I thought – that I would be able to find – a courier who would arrange it for me.”

  “I suppose because you wished to escape from me?”

  Again the colour flushed into her cheeks and she looked away from him.

  “Did you tell your father that you did not wish to marry me?”

  “I – tried, but he did not – tell me until this morning – that was what I had to do.”

  “Not until this morning! Just before he left England?”

  Kristina nodded.

  “He said – he was going away to die – and there was someone – who would look after me and I had to – marry him.”

  The words came out jerkily and the Earl could understand what a shock it had been for her.

  “As I saw your father yesterday morning, he could have told you then. But perhaps he was afraid that you would run away.”

  “I would have done so – when he told me I was – to be married,” Kristina murmured. “But I had – no money.”

  The Earl raised his eyebrows.

  “No money?”

  “Only a little – Italian money, but Mr. Trenchard when he took me – to the church, he – gave me five hundred pounds.”

  The Earl judged it to be a small sum considering the amount he had received.

  But he supposed that Mr. Trenchard would have looked on it as pocket money for the heiress.

  “So with enough money, you thought you would be able to find your way to Florence, but why should you want to go there?”

  She looked at him with a faint air of surprise.

  “It is where – I have been living for the last – seven years.”

  “Seven years! Then the Convent you are talking about is really a school?”

  He knew that there were several Convents in Europe which aristocrats used as ‘finishing schools’ for their daughters. It was where they spent the last year before they became debutantes.

  It was supposed to give them a Cosmopolitan polish besides a knowledge of languages that might be useful for their future.

  “Now I think I understand, as you have been living at this Convent school in Florence, you thought of it in a way as home.”

  Kristina did not say anything but he thought she agreed.

  “Surely,” he resumed, “you stayed with your father for the holidays.”

  Kristina shook her head.

  “He was very busy – in America – so after Mama died and I was sent – to the Convent, I did not see him – until I returned to London – two days ago.”

  The Earl felt that this was extraordinary behaviour on the part of Mr. Randon, but he did not like to say so.

  As if she divined his thoughts, Kristina continued,

  “Papa was – so miserable after Mama died – that he just worked and worked, and said he did not have any time for me – but I must be well educated.”

  “And that of course you achieved in Florence.”

  “I hope so, but I was – the only girl who did not seem to have a – family to – love her.”

  Now there was a pathetic note in her voice and the Earl asked,

  “What did you do in the holidays?”

  “Sometimes if the Mother Superior – endorsed them, I visited the homes of girls – who were my friends, but she was very particular as to which – invitations I could accept. I think she was frightened that – Papa would not approve.”

  There was another long silence until the Earl said,

  “Now I can understand, Kristina, why you had no wish to be married in such a hurried manner and why you were frightened of me.”

  Kristina twisted her fingers together before she replied in a voice he could hardly hear, “The nuns said – that it was very wrong and – wicked to let a man – touch me unless I loved him – with all my heart – and soul.”

  The Earl had no idea how he should respond.

  It was something he had never thought about before and he did appreciate that it must be a terrifying and traumatic experience for a young and innocent girl to be suddenly married to a man she had never even seen before.

  “I suppose,” he said after a long pause, “that you understand why we were married in this strange manner.”

  “Papa said that as he was going – to die and could no longer look – after me, he had found someone – he trusted and whose father had been – a friend of his.”

  “That is true, but I think it would be fair if I told you that when I approached your father yesterday morning, he had not seen me since I was a small boy.”

  He thought there was a flicker of interest in Kristina’s blue eyes as he continued,

  “You can see that this room is in a very bad state of repair and so is the whole house. My father, who died two years ago, had been very ill for a long time while I was abroad and had neglected both the house and the estate.”

  He looked at Kristina to see if she was listening and saw she had turned her head towards him.

  “I did my best when I returned from the Army, but there was no money and things instead of improving, grew worse. When I went to see your father I owed an enormous sum of money and I had not the slightest idea how I could pay my bills or support the people on the estate who relied on me.”

  “And Papa – helped you?”

  “He gave me a very large sum of money on condition I married his daughter.”

  Kristina muffled a sound which might have been a cry.

  “That was – wrong, very wrong – when we do not love – each other.”

  “That is what I thought too,” the Earl agreed. “But I was at my wits end and there was nothing else I could do. I am extremely grateful to your father for saving me when I might have had to go to a debtor’s prison.”

  He saw from the expression on Kristina’s face that she was horrified at the idea.

  “Now you are – safe?”

  “I am safe,” the Earl said, “but only if you stay with me.”

  “What – do you mean?” Kristina asked.

  “If you run away and become a nun then I should feel obliged, if I was to behave like a gentleman, to return the money I have been given on the condition that I will look after you.”

  “What would – happen then?”

  “The house would fall down. The farmers and all the workers on the estate would starve and I would doubtless be behind bars!”

  Kristina gave a strangled murmur.

  “I did – not know. I did not – understand.”

  “I know that. So what we have to do, Kristina, is somehow make the best of a bad job.”

  “You – mean,” she asked hesitatingly, “that I must stay here with you – and not go back – to the Convent.”

  “It may seem very unpleasant to you at the moment, but for me, I am afraid there is no alternative. Quite frankly I think you are too young to decide that you wish to be a nun.”

  “They were always – very kind to me.”

  “And you really think you would want to give up your life to the Convent?” the Earl question
ed. “You are young and pretty and the world can be a very exciting place if one has enough money to enjoy it.”

  He saw that she was looking at him with surprised eyes.

  “You must realise that your father has left you a great deal of money. You can have the best horses to ride. You can give parties if you wish to. You can travel all over the world in comfort.”

  He smiled before he added,

  “I have travelled as a soldier and although it was often extremely uncomfortable, I found it exciting.”

  “But you – did not have to – marry anyone to do that!”

  The Earl was silent while he thought quickly.

  “If you did not want to marry me, Kristina, quite frankly I did not want to marry you.” He saw her eyes open a little wider as if she had not even considered that possibility.

  “You mean – you did not want – a wife?”

  “I have always told my friends that I had no intention of marrying until I was very much older. It was only because I was absolutely desperate and, as you will learn, a great number of people on the estate are on the verge of destitution that I agreed to your father’s suggestion.”

  Kristina drew in her breath.

  “So you want – to be in love before – you married?”

  “Of course I do,” the Earl answered. “I have never asked anyone to marry me, Kristina, nor have I ever found anyone whom I wanted to take my mother’s place in this house.”

  He had not meant to say those words but somehow they came to his lips.

  “I am sorry – I never thought you would – feel this way.”

  “And I am sorry for you,” the Earl replied.

  He took a sip of his champagne.

  “What I think we should do now, if we are to be sensible, is to think how we can plan the future so we are both happy and you are not frightened.

  “I think the best idea would be to start at the beginning and realise that we are two strangers who have been thrown together by fate, but need to work together to save a lot of other people who are miserable and unhappy.”

  “You mean – that we would not really – be married?”

  Because once again she was blushing, the Earl understood exactly what she was going through her mind.

  “What I am going to suggest,” he said, “is that we behave to each other as two ordinary people would do if they had struck a business arrangement to work together. Of course in doing so we would grow to know each other.”

  Kristina looked at the fire.

  Then in the small frightened voice she asked,

  “You – would not – touch me?”

  “I promise you,” the Earl replied quietly, “I will not touch you until you ask me to do so.”

  He was aware that Kristina gave a deep sigh because what had frightened her most was no longer such a threat.

  Then as if she had reasoned the plan out for herself, she said,

  “We – could just be – friends?”

  “Of course, and you must understand, Kristina, that it is your money I shall be spending on repairing the house and restoring the estate.”

  She did not answer and he added with a somewhat wry smile,

  “All I have to offer you is my title. It is very old and prestigious, but it has become somewhat dilapidated over the years.”

  “I think that was – why Papa made me marry you – he said he wanted me to marry an Englishman – whose name was respected and he would never permit me – to be snatched up by a fortune-hunter.”

  “I think your father was frightened that might happen and he would be too ill to protect you.”

  “I had no wish – to marry anyone at present – and certainly not in such a hurry.”

  “I felt the same,” the Earl answered. “But now, Kristina, as you appreciate the situation, I suggest, as I have already said, that we start at the beginning. We have just met and first of all we need to get to know and understand each other. That will be almost as exciting and difficult as exploring a new country.”

  Kristina actually laughed.

  It was a very pretty sound and the Earl noted that it changed the expression on her face. She no longer looked so frightened.

  “I would never have thought of myself – as a new country,” she commented, “but I have often longed to explore parts of the world – that I have not yet seen.”

  “Perhaps one day we will be able to travel. I can assure you that there are some very lovely places to explore, although it is often a most uncomfortable journey to reach them.”

  “Will you buy a big yacht – like Papa’s? Then we would not have to worry – about trains and ships. Actually I expected – when I was running away tonight to have to – walk to the station.”

  “It is two miles away and I think you would have found it rather frightening wandering about in dark lanes all by yourself. Although you are in England, you still might find yourself in a great deal of trouble if you move about at night alone, especially carrying a handbag which looks as if it might contain valuables.”

  “What you are – really saying, is that I was being – very foolish. But I was so frightened – and you are so big and strong that I thought – I could never stand up to you or make you listen – to what I had to say.”

  It was something no woman had ever said to the Earl and it was certainly a new thought that he felt was more menacing than attractive.

  “Now you know that all I want to do is to protect you from being hurt and if possible from being unhappy. So I think, Kristina, that we should start as we should have started on our wedding day by drinking each other’s health.”

  He held up his glass which still contained a little champagne and Kristina reached out for her glass which she had not touched.

  “To us both,” he proclaimed. “We are pioneers setting forth on a journey of exploration to find, if we are lucky, some happiness and light.”

  He bent forward as he finished speaking and touched Kristina’s glass with his.

  Then as he drank his champagne, she took a little sip from her glass.

  “That was a – lovely toast,” she said, “and now I am not afraid any more.”

  “I think we should both retire, but you must promise me, Kristina, that you will not try to sneak away again, so that I wake up in the morning to find you gone and have to waste my valuable time looking for you.”

  He made it sound quite funny and Kristina gave a little laugh.

  “I promise you – I shall stay here,” she assured him. “But please – if you are going to meet the people on your estate to tell them that their lot is going to improve – can I come with you?”

  It was something the Earl had not anticipated and just for a moment he thought she might be rather an encumbrance – it might be embarrassing to take Kristina with him. Then he understood that she was making an effort to play her part.

  There was no alternative but to accept her idea.

  “Of course you must come with me and I suppose we should ride two of the horses your father gave us as a wedding present.”

  “I would – very much like to. I rode when I was in Florence – but we were somewhat restricted. I would love to gallop very fast – without anyone telling me not to do so!”

  The Earl smiled.

  “You shall gallop as fast as you wish – that is the one thing that I can give you freely.”

  As he finished speaking he rose to his feet and Kristina rose to hers.

  She picked up her handbag and would have reached for her cape, but the Earl bent forward taking it from her chair.

  As he did so he was aware that she moved quickly away from him as if she was afraid he might touch her. It was an instinctive movement and he sensed that while she had said she was no longer afraid, fear was still present within her.

  He put the cape over his arm and blew out the candles on the mantelpiece.

  As they both walked towards the door he took the lamp he had been carrying when he had found her in the hall.


  As they moved along the passage side by side, the Earl thought how everything had changed and so far away from what he had been expecting.

  Kristina was so small that her head only just reached his shoulders. Now he noticed that she was very slim with what was in fact a perfect figure.

  However with her fair hair and blue eyes, it was difficult to think of her as a grown-up woman.

  She seemed, he thought, a child who had found herself in this mess through no foolishness on her part, and was in fact suffering quite unfairly just because she was so rich.

  As they started to climb the stairs he detected Kristina’s glance at the front door which remained locked and bolted.

  He wondered if secretly she would rather have been on her way towards the station, determined to reach Florence and find the familiarity and peace that she craved.

  As if Kristina could read his thoughts, she said,

  “I suspect – you are right. I should have found myself in a great deal of difficulty – and trouble all on my own.”

  “Forget it now,” the Earl replied. “We all make mistakes, but we always hope that we will not have to pay for them eventually.”

  They had climbed to the top of the stairs and he walked along the corridor to open the door of her room. As he did so he said almost as if he was talking to himself,

  “This was my mother’s room and no one has been allowed to sleep in it since she died.”

  “Then I will move out – if you wish it,” Kristina answered quickly. “It is a very beautiful room and although I was so frightened – I felt as if it was trying – to help me.”

  “If you feel like that I think you should stay here and we can talk about it tomorrow.

  “Go to sleep, Kristina, and remember that tomorrow will be an adventure, something we must both try to enjoy together.”

  “I think – it will be – very exciting,” she whispered.

  She smiled at him and the Earl smiled back. Then he walked out of the door saying, “goodnight Kristina,” and closed it behind him.

  As he walked to his own room he felt that what had just happened was the most extraordinary experience of his whole life.

  How could he have imagined for a moment that Mr. Randon would have married him not to the hard faced, plain young woman he had expected, but to a graceful, sensitive and pretty child who was obviously ignorant of the ways of the world?