To Heaven With Love Read online

  ‘Have you seen the statues?’ she breathed. ‘Are they wandering about in the woods too?’

  The deer dropped its head as if nodding to her and then walked away along the terrace, around the corner of the Hall and out of sight.

  Dorianna moved away from the window.

  The fear and tension of the nightmare had vanished and her eyelids felt heavy with sleep.

  She went back to her bed and lay down.

  And again fell straight into a deep sleep, dreaming that she was out in the moonlight walking under the trees with her hand in Aphrodite’s, as they followed Pan along the path, listening to the sweet sad notes of his pipes.

  *

  “Dorianna! Dorianna!” her Mama’s voice sounded urgently in her ear and a hand was shaking her shoulder.

  “What is it? What?” Dorianna blinked, struggling to open her heavy eyelids.

  Her limbs felt heavy as marble and she could hardly turn her head on the pillow, she felt so weak and tired.

  “My darling, you have overslept! We must leave for Rouston Hall at once. The sun has now risen and we have a long way to travel down to Kent.”

  Dorianna sat up and rubbed her eyes.

  Sure enough, the sun was streaming in through her window, although she felt has if she had only been asleep for a very short while.

  “Of course, Mama. I will be ready very quickly. I am so sorry, I slept so heavily and I dreamt of – oh, nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

  She wanted to recount the story about the statues, the moonlight and the little deer, but Mama looked anxious and flustered.

  “You are so pale, Dorianna,” she was saying. “Are you sure that you are going to be all right?”

  Dorianna suddenly remembered the tall young man, the Earl of Claremont, who she had met in the window at Lady Carysfort’s and how he had looked into her eyes as if he could read her thoughts.

  ‘I could talk to him about my dream,’ she thought. ‘He would understand exactly how I felt.’

  And then she recalled how Lord Buxton had made the Earl leave her side and how he had disappeared into the crowd – and she shivered.

  If only they had had longer to speak to each other.

  But this was not the time to dwell on the past.

  “Yes, I am fine, Mama,” she responded limply.

  Mama sighed deeply.

  “You know, my darling, you could not be making a better match for yourself in marrying Lord Buxton. And, of course, there will be so many benefits for Mr. Shawcroft and myself. But I just cannot help but feel that you are not very happy – ”

  It was hard not to tell her Mama how much she was dreading the marriage and how afraid she felt, but she kept her face turned away and lowered her eyes as she replied,

  “It has taken me a little while to become used to the idea, for I have always been so happy here at Ashburton Hall, and I just don’t like the thought of leaving you and of giving up all the freedom I have enjoyed. But I know that I am doing the right thing – ”

  Dorianna swallowed hard and then looked down at her bedcover, before continuing,

  “And I have no doubts anymore – ”

  “I hope that’s true, for I could not bear to think that you might be marrying someone you really don’t care for. Lord Buxton is very young for his years and sometimes he behaves in an exaggerated manner, but he adores you and is desperate for you to be his wife.”

  “Yes, Mama, I know,” said Dorianna changing the subject. “But I must speak to you about something – ”

  She went to her luggage and drew out the envelope containing Mr. Bentley’s gift.

  “Why, that is a very large sum!” Mama exclaimed, as she saw the fat bundle of five pound notes.

  “Wherever did it come from?”

  Dorianna explained about Mr. Bentley’s letter.

  “What should I do with it, Mama? It’s so generous of him. I rather think that I should give it to you, as I will not go short of anything at Rouston Hall.”

  “No! Absolutely not, my darling! You must keep it. Poor Mr. Bentley meant for you to have it, and as he says, it is always very pleasant as a married woman to have a little something of your own! Lord Buxton will be generous to your Step-papa and myself, I am sure, as Mr. Shawcroft is a very dear friend of his.”

  “Thank you so much, Mama, I could not have kept it without speaking to you first. It’s very sad that Mr. Bentley is so unwell.”

  Mama put her arms around her daughter.

  “You are always such a kind and thoughtful girl,” she sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “I could not bear you to be unhappy! You must not marry Lord Buxton if it is not what you want!”

  Dorianna hugged her Mama tightly.

  “I have given my word and I don’t like to break my promise. I know it will be best for all of us and I will be happy to know that you and Step-papa will be well provided for.”

  “It would be very very difficult for us if you were to go back on your word. But promise me, Dorianna, that if you really are not happy to be married, you will not go through with it? We will manage somehow and perhaps it will not be so bad, after all, to live in rooms in Bath?”

  Mama’s voice shook a little as she spoke the words.

  “And maybe, let’s not forget, Mr. Shawcroft’s luck may turn again.”

  “No, Mama! I have made up my mind and I must go through with it. I could not bear it if you lost your home or had to be reliant again on a gambler’s winnings.”

  She hugged her mother tightly before sitting back down on her bed. As she closed her eyes, her mind went back to Lady Carysfort’s soirée and to the conversation that had led her to make the decision to marry Lord Buxton.

  *

  All through that long, miserable afternoon Dorianna had done everything in her power to escape the attentions of Lord Buxton. She wanted to stop him touching her and put an end to the steady supply of food and drink he insisted on offering her.

  As the soirée drew to an end, it was Lady Carysfort who came to her rescue.

  Her Ladyship was an elegant middle-aged lady with an aristocratic look and a plume of violet feathers waving wildly from her headdress.

  “Please leave us in peace, Roly, my dear,” she said, winking at Lord Buxton. “Your lovely young lady is not going anywhere, I will see to that. I will keep her safe for you until dinner.”

  And she laid one of her kid-gloved hands softly on Dorianna’s arm, shooing Lord Buxton away with the other.

  “Well, you are quite the belle of the ball?” she said, fixing Dorianna with her bold green eyes, “yesterday your looks were the talk of the Court and yet you are so aloof.

  “But maybe that is part of the secret of your charm, for you have caught the most eligible bachelor in Society. He has fallen head-over-heels for you, you lucky girl!”

  “I did not intend – I am not sure what – you mean,” stammered Dorianna, trying to back away from her, but her Ladyship’s gloved hand tightened on her arm.

  “Aha! There is little point in playing coy with me. Anyone can see what you are about. Shawcroft is finished. Such a shame that his luck has deserted him, for he is the boldest of gamblers, bolder even than my dear Carysfort – for which, I must say, I am quite grateful as at least my husband would never put his property up for a wager – ”

  She was pinching Dorianna’s arm painfully and the smell of her strong, sweet perfume was overpowering.

  “But I am not – I have no intention of – I just could not get away from him!”

  “Don’t be silly!” snorted Lady Carysfort. “You are the only chance that Shawcroft has left. Ashburton Hall is mortgaged up to the hilt. Haven’t you thought that your poor Mama will be out on her ear if you don’t make a good match? And it will have to be a really good one at that!”

  Dorianna’s head swam.

  So that was why Mr. Shawcroft had insisted that she come to London for the Season.

  He was scheming to find her a rich husband.

  B
ut surely, it need not be someone as foolish and unpleasant as Lord Buxton?

  She looked into Lady Carysfort’s sharp green eyes.

  “You are so wrong.” She said with quiet dignity. “I have no intention of pursuing Lord Buxton. This is the first and only soirée I have been to and I am certain that I will meet many other young gentlemen in the coming weeks.”

  Lady Carysfort laughed.

  “Of course you will, my dear. But will they be as rich as Buxton? And will they be prepared to take you on with no fortune of your own? And pay off your Step-papa’s gambling debts into the bargain? I think not!”

  Dorianna was struggling to fully understand exactly what she was talking about.

  “You mean that – Lord Buxton would do that?”

  “Of course he would, my dear. He thinks that Mr. Shawcroft is a sophisticate and a real genius to boot!”

  Lady Carysfort shook her head.

  “Strange, indeed, for I daresay Shawcroft has lost as many wagers on Buxton’s behalf as he has won for the foolish lad. Poor Buxton, he is really quite naïve. He was a sickly child and his Mama kept him in the country for much of his childhood. He longs to be a man-about-town.”

  Dorianna felt a twinge of pity.

  Perhaps that was why Lord Buxton behaved in such an overbearing noisy way? He had never been introduced to more cultured sophisticated people.

  “A word from the wise,” Lady Carysfort whispered. “Take him, while you’ve still got him. I had nothing when I was your age and I took my chance. I haven’t regretted it at all. Just look at me now! I am a leading light in Society and I want for nothing.”

  Dorianna stared at the older woman’s face.

  At the dry powdered skin pulled tight over the sharp cheekbones and the deep lines around the drooping mouth. Close up she looked tired, old and disappointed.

  ‘Will I look like that, when I am her age?’ Dorianna thought to herself. ‘Is there any joy in her life? She does not look as if she smiles very much in spite of all her fine clothes and her wonderful London house.’

  “If I had not played the hand that fate gave me and used my good-looks to get Carysfort, where do you think I would be now?”

  Her Ladyship’s green eyes gazed into Dorianna’s.

  “I will tell you. I would be living on a pittance in my aunt’s tiny cottage in Winchester, or earning my keep as a Governess!

  “And you might think that you would prefer that to a marriage you don’t like, but think of your Mama. She is born and bred to luxury. She’s not a strong young woman like you, she wouldn’t last six months in rented rooms and that’s where you’ll be heading rather sooner than you might think!”

  Dorianna’s breath caught in her chest and she gave a little gasp of pain.

  How could she have not seen the situation clearly?

  It was as if she had been living in a dream.

  “Is there no one else, do you think, who could help us?” she questioned.

  “He is the only one who would be foolish enough. And you have now got him, if you want him. Play it cool, if you must, as it will inflame his ardour, as we have seen today. But don’t let him go – not if you love your Mama.”

  An icy chill gripped Dorianna’s whole body.

  ‘Then I must do it,’ she said to herself, forcing the words out of her dry throat. ‘I have no choice. And I must do it right away before my courage deserts me.’

  *

  When Mr. Shawcroft came into Lady Carysfort’s parlour just before dinner with his little eyes all a-glow, smelling strongly of wine and cigars and told her that Lord Buxton had fallen head-over-heels in love with her and was so smitten that he was ready to propose, she knew what she must say.

  And when Lord Buxton did burst through the door and fall onto his knees before her to make his proposal, she answered ‘yes,’ before he had even finished speaking.

  The same icy chill stayed with her all through the grand dinner that followed.

  Lord Carysfort, deeply happy now that his old friend Shawcroft was out of trouble, was delighted to be able to break the news of the engagement to the guests.

  As soon as his speech was over, they all raised their glasses to the happy couple and Dorianna shuddered at so many curious faces turning towards her.

  One face in particular struck an even deeper chill into her heart.

  The Earl of Claremont was seated at the other end of Lady Carysfort’s table.

  His handsome face seemed pale in the candlelight, and his deep dark eyes watched her, not with curiosity or mockery, but with a strange gaze that suggested sympathy or even pity.

  As the guests departed, Dorianna stood beside Lord Buxton with his hot heavy hand firmly clamped upon her shoulder, tolerating the deluge of congratulations that came their way.

  She looked for the Earl, but he was not to be seen.

  ‘Perhaps he had to leave early,’ she pondered. ‘Or maybe he had enough of these people, for he seemed not to like being in a crowd.’

  She wanted to feel his quiet strong presence beside her again and see his dark eyes looking at her.

  She wondered if he really could read her thoughts. If so, he would have known how unhappy she really felt.

  But as the throng of guests filed past her, his lean and handsome face was not amongst them and she did not know whether to be pleased or sad that he was not there.

  When the evening came to an end, she and Mama rode back to Mayfair together.

  Mr. Shawcroft had gone to Lord Buxton’s Club to drink and play cards.

  “I am so very proud of you!” Mama sighed, taking Dorianna’s hand and holding it tightly. “Of course, you are the most beautiful of the debutantes – but who would have thought you would be engaged after your very first soirée? And to such an eligible wealthy young man!”

  Dorianna squeezed Mama’s hand, hoping that her face could not be seen in the darkness of the carriage, as a tear had escaped her eye and was trickling down her cheek.

  “But you are so quiet, my darling. I hope you are happy. I must say, Lord Buxton is not exactly the beau I would have imagined for you. But Neville tells me he is a most kind and generous young gentleman.”

  Dorianna swallowed, struggling to keep her voice from trembling.

  “Yes, he is, Mama. He is going to be a good friend to us and I believe that all our problems at Ashburton Hall are now at an end.”

  “Oh, but Dorianna!” Mama sounded anxious and flustered. “That’s not the only reason you have accepted him, surely! Don’t you like him?”

  “Of course, dear Mama, of course, I do!” whispered Dorianna, whilst wiping away tears with her free hand

  Her Mama had sounded so happy that she could not bear to spoil her pleasure and happiness. It was obviously a relief that her daughter would become the wife of such a rich man.

  “Of course I like him, Mama,” Dorianna said again. “I am glad I am going to marry Lord Buxton.”

  And she sat back on her seat as the carriage rattled over the cobblestones on its way to Mayfair.

  *

  And now the day of the wedding was almost upon them.

  Dorianna clung to her Mama and her heart ached unbearably as she heard her say again,

  “Promise me, darling, that you will not go through with this if it is not what you really want!”

  “Don’t worry, Mama. It will be all right.”

  They held each other tightly for a moment until the sound of hooves and iron wheels crunching over the gravel could be heard.

  The carriage was going round to the front ready to transport them to Kent.

  The time had finally come to leave Ashburton Hall. All the boxes and trunks were loaded on top of the carriage and Mr. Shawcroft sat in front with the coachman, smoking his endless strong-smelling cigars while Dorianna and Mama sat inside.

  Dorianna pulled down the window for one last look at the graceful limestone front of Ashburton Hall.

  As they drove down the drive, the woodland garden came
into view and her heart stirred.

  Once again she seemed to be crossing the shadowy glades in the silver moonlight, hearing the strange piping song coming from within the trees.

  And even though the sun was shining brightly and everything seemed just as it did on any other day, Dorianna knew that something inside her had changed.

  From the heart of the wood a soft whispering voice reached her ears,

  ‘You shall be loved, you shall!’

  She leaned back against the leather cushions of the carriage seat and closed her eyes, holding the words deep within her heart.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The carriage wheels rattled gaily over the road as Dorianna, Mama and Step-papa were borne swiftly away from their familiar Hertfordshire countryside, travelling on southwards towards the County of Kent.

  For most of the journey Dorianna felt calmer and almost happy.

  She could not forget the powerful feeling she had experienced as she had heard the mysterious voice from the woodland garden or her dream that the statue of Aphrodite had come to life.

  ‘I am going to be loved,’ she whispered to herself, as she gazed out of the carriage window at the sunlit fields.

  ‘That is exactly what I want, more than anything in the world. I don’t know how it is going to come about, but I am going to be loved!’

  After several hours they reached the River Thames and the carriage was driven onto a ferry to be taken across the wide river and into Kent.

  Dorianna got down from the carriage and walked on the deck to stretch her legs as the breeze from the river tugged at her hair, blowing her dress into billowing folds.

  It was such a glorious feeling to be in the fresh air, looking out over the broad river that her heart lifted.

  Just downstream from the ferry she could see a big barge with red sails drifting eastwards towards the sea.

  ‘I wonder where it is going?’ she pondered, feeling exhilarated at the sight and wishing there was someone to share her thoughts with.

  She then remembered the Earl of Claremont again, the quiet handsome gentleman who had joined her by the window at Lady Carysfort’s soirée.

  Somehow she just knew that he would have shared her joy in the glorious panorama of the river and sky and in the sight of the barge, which had moved out into the middle of the river and was picking up speed so that it seemed almost to be flying over the water to some exotic destination.