A Heart in Heaven Read online

  “But if –”

  “I said no,” he told her firmly.

  She stared at him in shocked silence. Then he took her hand and held it fast.

  “I think only of you,” he said gently. “I have promised to protect you.”

  He looked at her hand lying in his, before returning it to her.

  “And this is the last time I shall ever touch you like this. Now I am going to take you home.”

  She followed him in silence.

  *

  Christmas was drawing closer and all the shops were bright with decorations. Holly hung over the doors. The bright scarlet berries made a cheerful show and Louisa’s spirits lifted.

  It was surely impossible that her worst fears should be realised. It was all a misunderstanding. Nobody could force her to marry Lord Westbridge if she did not want to.

  But nothing altered Roderick’s grave demeanour. He kept rigidly to his word, behaving like the perfect groom and no more. Louisa rode every day, just to be with him. Her rides with him made her blissfully happy and wretchedly miserable at the same time.

  She dared not mention the feeling that was fast growing between them lest he retreat from her. But sometimes she would glance up quickly enough to catch him looking at her. Then she saw his heart in his eyes and knew that he felt a thousand emotions that he could never speak about.

  At other times she would make him take her to the village in the carriage, so that she could do some Christmas shopping. Arabelle would often come with them, but she usually slipped away for an hour. Louisa was glad as it gave her a little time alone with Roderick, although she felt guilty at neglecting her friend.

  Arabelle, however, seemed very content to be left to her own devices. Once Louisa glimpsed her from a distance talking to the Vicar’s son, Simon.

  That evening, as the two girls were dressing for dinner, Louisa started to tease her.

  “I fear he is not a suitable match for you, my dear friend. No high position and definitely no money.”

  “I know,” Arabelle replied in a low voice.

  “I only mention it because I know you believe marriage should be a sensible arrangement – why Arabelle, you’re crying!”

  “I can’t help it,” she choked. “We love each other so much, and there is no hope for us.”

  “You and Simon? Oh, Arabelle, tell me everything.”

  “We loved each other from the first moment. When we danced it was like being in a dream. I realise now that you are right. When you are in love, nothing else matters. But my parents want a rich man for me and I know they will refuse their consent.

  “I used to want a rich man too.” She began to laugh through her tears. “And my heart has chosen the poorest man in the world and I cannot live without him. Oh, Louisa, isn’t that a horrible joke?”

  They clung together, laughing and crying with joy and despair. Louisa felt closer to her friend than ever before, now that Arabelle also knew the joy of heavenly love and the dread that in the end she might be thwarted.

  At last they walked down for dinner. It was a muted evening with just the four of them. Everyone was glad when Lady Hatton declared an early night.

  When she was sure that her parents had retired to bed, Louisa threw on a cloak and hurried out to the stables.

  No matter what Roderick said, she had to see him alone and in private. Being together out in the open where they needed to be careful of every word and action was no longer enough.

  There was no sign of him in the stables, but she knew that he slept in the loft above. Climbing the ladder she found herself in a cramped, shabby room.

  By the moonlight she could just make out a solitary table and chair, an old chest of drawers, with a plate and mug standing on it and a narrow iron bed that looked hard and uncomfortable.

  Roderick lay there, his single blanket pulled tight around him in a vain attempt to ward off the cold. Louisa was ashamed, thinking of her own luxurious bedroom with its huge fireplace.

  He must be exhausted, she thought, to have come to bed so early. While she had eaten in warmth and comfort, he had finished a hard day’s work, eaten his frugal meal and collapsed into bed.

  He was turned towards her and in the silver light from the window she could see that sleep had wiped away all strain from his face, as he lay peaceful and untroubled.

  Louisa dropped to her knees beside him and watched him with a kind of bittersweet joy. For this precious moment they were not lady and servant. She was simply a woman watching over a man who had seized possession of her heart. Whatever else happened, that would always be true.

  ‘How can I love you?’ she murmured. ‘And yet – and yet – I do.’

  It was the whisper of her breath against his cheek that woke him. He opened his eyes and found himself looking straight into hers.

  He did not move for a long time and then said in a quiet voice,

  “Are you really here or are you just another dream come to plague me?”

  “I am really here. Don’t you know it’s me?”

  “Louisa – ?” The word was very faint.

  The next moment he reached for her and drew her close. Suddenly his lips were on hers in the kiss she had craved for. She was in his arms, feeling him hold her, knowing that for once he had no defences against her and nothing else mattered.

  “Does a dream kiss like this?” she asked joyfully.

  “Mine do,” he sighed. “In my dreams you always kiss me.”

  “Was it like this – and this – and this?”

  “Yes.” He smiled, adoring her. “It was exactly like that. But when I awoke, I was always alone.”

  “You will never be alone again,” she promised. “Not if you love me.”

  “I do love you. I have fought it as hard as I could, but I love you. I have no right to love you – but I cannot help myself.”

  Her heart bounded with joy. This was love as she had always dreamed of it. What did it matter that they would be poor as long as they were heart to heart and soul to soul?

  But the next moment she felt him stiffen and he sat up in bed, fending her off.

  “No,” he groaned. “What am I doing? I swore I wouldn’t.”

  “But it is all different now,” Louisa cried passionately.

  He took her shoulders. “If anyone found you here, the scandal could ruin you. You must go now. Turn away while I dress.”

  She ran to the window, almost weeping in her desperation and disappointment.

  After a moment he said, “all right,” and she turned to find him fully dressed.

  He saw her distraught face and took her gently into his arms.

  “It is so hard for you to understand, my love. To you the world is simple – we love each other and that is everything.”

  “But it should be everything,” she claimed fervently. “You said you loved me.”

  “I do love you. How could I not, when you are so full of life and passion, so young and beautiful and when you honour me with your love – ?”

  “Don’t talk like a servant,” she said fiercely. “You are more than that!”

  “I do not say it as a servant, but as a man who is profoundly and humbly grateful for your gifts. If I was the Emperor of the whole world, I would still want to kneel before you in gratitude.

  “One day, please God, I will be able to say these words openly. But just now I must stay a servant with nothing to offer you.”

  “But when will our day come?” she pleaded.

  She saw the sudden bleakness in his face and cried out,

  “No! It must come. It must! Don’t ask me to think of life without you.”

  “Try to trust me. There are things I must tell you – but not at this moment. It’s too dangerous. Kiss me, my darling and then the dream is over for now.”

  “But not over for ever,” she implored. “We will find a way.”

  “We will find a way,” he agreed. “Kiss me.”

  They kissed each other again and again, until he sai
d,

  “I must take you back now, my darling, while I still have the strength to let you go.”

  As they walked back to the house a faint, beautiful sound reached them.

  “It’s the children,” Louisa said. “They are singing carols.”

  They stood together in the starlit night, listening to the sweet young voices.

  “They sound so pure and innocent,” she mused. “If only they knew what the world is really like!”

  Only a short time ago she had returned to England, thinking she was coming back to a happy place in a good world. Now she was beginning to understand the ugly side of life.

  ‘But I will not be afraid,’ she told herself.

  She felt something fall softly onto her head.

  “Snow,” said Roderick. “The first snow of Christmas.”

  Louisa held out her hand and watched in wonder as the snowflakes fell into it and vanished.

  “You must go inside,” Roderick told her. “You will catch cold.”

  “No, I want to stay a little longer. It is so lovely.”

  “Go indoors at once,” he commanded quietly.

  Louisa did so. It no longer felt strange to obey him.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Soon the day dawned that Louisa dreaded, the day of the ball at Cranford Manor. Every night she had prayed that something would happen to save her from having to visit Lord Westbridge’s home again.

  She was more determined than ever to refuse him, but she could also sense the growing determination of her parents that she should accept his proposal.

  But nothing happened to save her and on the evening of the ball, she submitted to being dressed under her mother’s direction, in a gown finer than any she had ever worn.

  It was made of pale blue satin, embroidered with silver stars. Silver slippers adorned her elegant feet and silver ribbon wound in and out of her bright curls. Around her neck she wore her family’s pearls.

  Lady Hatton was resplendent in a wine red dress. But Louisa frowned when she saw the garnets her mother was wearing.

  “I think you should wear your rubies with that dress, Mama?”

  “I cannot quite recall where I put them,” Lady Hatton replied hastily.

  “But surely, your maid –”

  “My darling, what a fuss you make. Nobody will be looking at me. All eyes will be on you. Hurry now. It is time to leave.”

  The carriage was waiting. Roderick ceremoniously opened the door and handed Lord and Lady Hatton in and then Arabelle. As Louisa reached out her hand to him, her cloak, which was lightly draped about her shoulders, slithered off.

  Roderick picked it up and settled it about her again. He contrived to touch her as little as possible, but she was aware of the warmth of his hands, and when she looked at him she saw something in his eyes that made her heart beat faster.

  It was a clear, brilliant night, cold but beautiful. The stars gleamed like diamonds in the sky and the moon flooded the snowy landscape with silver as they travelled the few miles to Cranford Manor.

  And then there it was before her, the huge, luxurious house and they were drawing closer and closer. Lights blazed from every door and window and carriages swept up the drive in an endless stream, disgorging hundreds of guests.

  “Everyone will be here,” Lady Hatton said, awed. “Simply everyone.”

  The house glittered with Christmas decorations. The Great Hall was dominated by the biggest Christmas tree Louisa had ever seen. It reached up to the roof and was hung with tinsel and shining baubles. Presents were massed around the base.

  Powdered footmen were everywhere, helping guests off with their cloaks. But Lord Westbridge himself took Louisa’s cloak, contriving to allow his fingers to linger on her neck in a way that made her shudder.

  “Now my house is perfect,” he announced in his disagreeable voice. “You complete it.”

  “You are too kind, my Lord,” Louisa responded in an unsteady voice. “Your house does not need me to make it perfect.”

  He took her hand. “My Lord?” he mocked. “How formal! I should prefer that you call me George – my most charming Louisa.”

  She raised her head and challenged him.

  “I should prefer that you call me Miss Hatton.”

  He laughed. “How enchantingly old-fashioned. But I am not angry. I prefer you to have a sense of propriety – to begin with.”

  Her cheeks flamed at his words. But there was no way of escape. Her parents were looking on and smiling.

  Other guests were looking too. All the most notable young ladies of the district regarded her with envy. They would have liked to receive attention from the wealthiest man in the County, and they thought how lucky she was.

  But Louisa cared nothing for Lord Westbridge’s wealth or his great house. Her thoughts were with Roderick. She had last seen him driving the carriage away after dropping them at the front door. Where was he now?

  He had sworn to protect her, but there was nothing he could do against the powerful Lord Westbridge in his own house.

  She began to feel that she had been very foolish to rely on Roderick. He would do his best, but a groom was helpless against a great Lord.

  Guests were wandering around the huge rooms that had been newly restored and put on display. Wherever they walked, they gasped with wonder.

  The great ballroom was a mass of holly, Christmas roses and pink silk hung in festoons. At the far end a large orchestra was tuning up. Clearly no expense had been spared.

  It was time for the dancing to begin.

  “May I have the honour of the first waltz?” Lord Westbridge asked Louisa.

  His manner showed that he was confident of her acceptance.

  Quietly she placed her hand in his and allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor.

  “Permit me to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman here,” he grated as they whirled about the floor.

  “Thank you. But I wish you had not singled me out so obviously.”

  “Why not? Everyone here knows what I want from you – and so do you.”

  She wished he would not talk in such a manner. It was horrible being held in his arms.

  “You hardly know me,” she stammered. “We have met only twice.”

  “Once is enough. When I want something I don’t shilly-shally. I want you and I am going to have you. Perhaps I will announce our engagement tonight.”

  “Without my consent?” she demanded, her eyes flashing.

  “You are going to consent and we both know it. Otherwise –”

  She did not allow him to finish.

  “If you announce our engagement, I shall deny it and leave at once. That would make you look a fool.”

  Lord Westbridge’s eyes blazed with anger.

  “And if you did that, I would make you very sorry,” he said harshly. “Very well. We will play the game out a little longer. It will make my revenge more enjoyable in the end!”

  “Don’t hold me so close,” she begged.

  “It pleases me to hold you close and I always do as I please. But the dance is now coming to an end.”

  He strolled away and for the next hour performed duty dances. Louisa tried to compose herself. Many men asked her to dance. She accepted although she did not really want to be with any of them. She wanted to dance with Roderick, the man she loved. But she was beginning to fear that her love was hopeless.

  The Reverend Lightly and his family were present. Louisa watched as Simon and Arabelle greeted each other soberly for fear of betraying their secret.

  But when they danced together their love seemed to flame from them, Louisa thought. She looked at her practical friend, who had judged marriage only by material standards. Now she too was ready to give up everything for love.

  If you truly loved, that was how it changed you. Nothing else mattered in the whole world. And love would transform her life as it had transformed Arabelle’s.

  She danced until she was tired, longing for this night to be over
.

  If only she could tell her parents how improperly Lord Westbridge had spoken to her and trust them to put a stop to him. But she had come to realise that she could not rely on them for help.

  At last there was a lull in the dancing. At Lord Westbridge’s command everyone gathered around the great tree.

  “There is a Christmas present for every one of my guests,” he proclaimed.

  Footmen began passing among them, handing out brightly coloured parcels. Louisa looked on as her parents opened their gifts.

  For Lord Hatton there was a cigar box in solid gold. Then Lady Hatton opened her gift and Louisa smothered a cry.

  It was a jewel box. And inside it lay the ruby necklace that her mother had ‘lost’.

  It was as though a flash of lightning had lit up a nightmare landscape. The empty stables, the fewer servants, the missing jewellery. Her mother had been forced to sell her necklace and Lord Westbridge had tossed it back at her as a demonstration of his power.

  “And now, my gift to you, Miss Hatton,” Lord Westbridge declared.

  He placed into her hands a large, flat jewel box. Louisa took it reluctantly. She would have liked to refuse, but she could not do so in front of so many people.

  She opened it and found her worst fears realised. A huge, resplendent diamond necklace lay against the black velvet. It must have cost a King’s ransom. There were gasps from the onlookers.

  “I – I cannot accept this,” she stammered. “It is far too costly.”

  Lord Westbridge shrugged.

  “What is money when one pursues one’s heart’s desire. Accept this as a tribute of my devotion and esteem.”

  His words were humble, but the savage gleam in his eye told her that he was looking forward to the day when he could enforce his will upon her.

  “Mama –” Louisa pleaded. “Papa –”

  “A very nice little gift,” her mother enthused. “Don’t make a silly fuss, my dear. That would be ill-bred.”

  “And could I have the pleasure of seeing Miss Hatton wearing her necklace?” Lord Westbridge asked smoothly.

  Lady Hatton removed Louisa’s pearls and she stood there, feeling like a sacrificial lamb, as a fortune in diamonds was hung about her unwilling neck.