In Search of Love Read online

  They had mostly been as he said to himself, 'how-do-you-do and goodbye!'

  There was Irene, whom he had found very attractive. In fact, she had not only made him happy, but made him feel that his life would be very empty without her.

  But she was already married. Her husband was in the army and therefore seldom at home. He and Irene spent one winter seeing each other several times a week. He had become her lover secretly and made quite sure no one would uncover their secret.

  Then her husband had returned home. He had inherited a house in another part of England and left the army. The Earl melted tactfully away.

  Irene had certainly been very alluring and charming. But the Earl could not say now that he was unhappy that he had lost her. To tell the truth, he had been becoming rather bored with her.

  There had always been other women who flattered him and were eager to fall into his arms. In the end they seemed to merge into one, so that he forgot the details of exactly how pretty one girl was or how amusing another had been.

  It had all been exciting and delightful. Rather like a dream from which he woke up and then found it difficult to remember how he had felt and for whom.

  Yet now, when he least expected it, the Lord Lieutenant was making a demand upon him he had never expected.

  'I have no wish to be married,' he told himself. 'But if I do, I want to be absolutely certain that she is someone I will love for the rest of my life. And who will love me as long.'

  But was it possible, or merely an idle dream? He was beginning to wonder.

  He sighed.

  'What am I to do?' he asked himself. 'What am I to do?'

  Then inspiration struck him. He must see Vanda.

  He must ask her if, somehow, by some miracle, they could find their way out of the trap which the Lord Lieutenant had set for them.

  *

  Miss Vanda Sudbury was a young lady of considerable beauty, firm character and disconcerting wit. At twenty-four she had been mistress of her father's house for five years and carried such authority lightly.

  Her beauty was of a special kind. She was not pretty in an elegant, feminine way, but handsome, with a pair of dark, flashing eyes. Her hair was as black as the raven's wing, giving her a mysterious, almost Latin look. At times she seemed to project a natural air of majesty that was at odds with her life as a provincial English girl.

  Men commonly referred to her as a fine young woman. They did not swoon over her or offer her bouquets, but they admired her and enjoyed her company, whether on the dance floor or at the hunt.

  In a ballroom she was the lightest and most debonair of dancers, her tall figure swaying gracefully in her partner's arms. On horseback she was fearless, leaping every obstacle as bravely as a man.

  Many a gentleman had been heard to say that Miss Sudbury was without equal amongst the ladies, by Jove yes! But then they might shuffle their feet and confess that she frightened them a little.

  Her father was a mere Knight, but his position as Lord Lieutenant, plus his considerable fortune, was enough to assure Miss Sudbury a place in Society.

  No gentleman, no matter how high his title, looked down on this forthright lady. If any were so unwise, she could reduce him to nothing with a look from her splendid eyes or a flash of merciless raillery.

  Despite her disadvantages, she had received several offers of marriage, not all of them from fortune hunters. Some men were genuinely attracted by the air of drama that surrounded her.

  But one and all she had turned down, sometimes to her father's rage. He was ambitious for his daughter and especially himself. When she had secured an offer from a Viscount, he was in ecstasies. When she refused this offer as well, there was an explosion that caused the entire household to shudder.

  All except Vanda. She shuddered for no man. But after that outburst, she refused suitors without telling her father, and forbade them, on pain of dire consequences to appeal to him over her head. It said much for her strength of personality that so far no man had been brave enough to defy her.

  That morning she was alone, her father having departed on his errand, and she knew that there was a morning's hard work ahead of her.

  As Lord Lieutenant, Sir Quentin was used to the people of the county bringing their problems to him. He was also used to the comfortable feeling that he could rely on his efficient daughter to act as his unofficial secretary.

  Vanda breakfasted alone and settled down at the desk in the library.

  “Did my father leave in good time for his meeting?” she asked the maid who brought her some coffee an hour later.

  “He left early, miss, but he wasn't heading for the town. The carriage went in the other direction.”

  “The other –? You mean Cunningham Hall?”

  “Yes, miss.”

  Vanda drew a sharp breath, muttering,

  “If Papa has gone where I think he has gone, I will strangle him with my bare hands.”

  “What, miss?”

  “Nothing. This coffee is excellent.”

  The maid hurried away, leaving Vanda staring into the distance, while thoughts seethed in her brain.

  *

  As Robert rode across country to Sudbury Grange he considered Vanda dispassionately.

  They had always been friends. She laughed at his jokes and was a delightful guest at luncheon or dinner.

  She had a gift for getting on with people and making them laugh. Her attitude towards him had always been sensible, almost comradely. She was not demanding as other women were.

  He wondered nervously if Vanda wanted to marry him. Was she even behind her father's scheme? But she had given him no sign when they had been together.

  He wondered why her father had chosen him as a husband for her.

  But he knew the answer.

  Ambition.

  Like everyone in the county, he knew of the man's wrath when his daughter had refused to marry a Viscount. How Sir Quentin would have loved to be able to take those precious steps up the social ladder.

  Secretly Robert admired Vanda for refusing to marry a fool just because he was a Viscount and for standing out against her father's anger.

  But he admired her spirited defiance only in theory. When he finally married, he intended to choose a woman who was more biddable and less likely to pit her will against his own.

  At last he turned into the drive and moved beneath the large oak trees on either side. He rather expected to see Vanda riding, as she usually did when it was a fine day.

  But there was no sign of her.

  He therefore rode on to the front door of the house, which was impressive, but not as well proportioned or attractive as his own.

  Even before he dismounted, a footman who was seated just inside the open door, hurried out to greet him.

  “Good morning, my Lord.”

  The Earl recognised the footman, who was called Herbert, and had been with the family for years. He had an uneasy sensation that Herbert was looking at him in a new way, as though he knew what was happening.

  'Did the whole house know?' he wondered. 'Probably, yes.'

  The thought made him intensely self-conscious and for a moment he almost turned and fled.

  But he had never run from an awkward situation yet, so he gritted his teeth and walked into the house.

  He thought that Vanda would be in the library, because the newspapers were always taken there in the morning. So he walked straight to the library and found Vanda sitting on the sofa, with the morning newspapers spread out on her knees.

  She looked up and gave a little cry of surprise when she saw him.

  “Robert!” she exclaimed. “I wasn't expecting to see you here this morning.”

  “I came in the hope of finding you alone,” he replied, walking towards her.

  Moving two of the newspapers, he sat down beside her.

  “If you had not been alone,” he said, “I should have ridden back home immediately.”

  Vanda looked at him wide-eyed.
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br />   “What is wrong?” she asked. “Tell me quickly.”

  He was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he did not detect a hint of nervousness in her voice.

  “It is not exactly something wrong,” he declared awkwardly, “but I have brought a problem to you. A problem that – according to your father – concerns us both.”

  Vanda looked at him.

  After a long pause she said in a very low voice,

  “Papa has not been talking to you about my being married?”

  “He came to see me this morning,” Robert replied. “What he had to say –”

  He stopped, too embarrassed to go on. Now that he was here his mission seemed impossible.

  There was silence for a moment.

  Then Vanda asked in a small voice,

  “Did Papa suggest that you and I should be married?”

  “Yes, he did!” the Earl answered. “You knew all about it?”

  Her sigh was part despair, part exasperation.

  “I hoped and prayed that Papa would not go to you,” she said sharply. “He has been nagging at me for the last week or so, but when I tried so hard to dissuade him, I hoped he would keep his wild ideas to himself.”

  “So you tried to dissuade him?” he asked.

  Vanda stared at him.

  “Of course I did! I hope you didn't imagine that I was behind this suggestion?”

  Since that thought had crossed his mind, Robert felt himself blushing. He tried to hide it and failed. Vanda's furious eyes were on his face.

  “You did think so,” she thundered. “How dare you! Of all the unspeakable, insufferable –”

  “That is unjust.”

  “I suppose you think that because you are an Earl every woman in the county is after you –”

  “Most of them are,” he was unwise enough to say, adding hurriedly, “but not you, I realise that.”

  “It is too late for an apology,” she proclaimed in arctic tones.

  “I did not exactly apologise –”

  “Then you should have done. Your accusation was ungentlemanly and uncalled for.”

  “I did not make any accusation,” he said, aghast. “Vanda, please –”

  “I think you should call me 'Miss Sudbury'.”

  “But I have always called you 'Vanda'.”

  “You will do so no longer. From this moment, 'Miss Sudbury' is more appropriate.”

  “Very well, Va – Miss Sudbury. I am sorry to have offended you. I didn't mean to.”

  “Didn't mean –? You didn't think it was offensive to accuse me to my face of scheming to marry you?”

  He felt the hair begin to rise on his neck.

  “I did no such –”

  “Upon my word, sir, you have a very fine opinion of yourself.”

  “All I said was –”

  “Let us be quite clear,” she snarled, “that I have had nothing to do with this appalling idea.”

  The Earl felt slightly piqued. Naturally he was relieved to know that she was not heart-broken, but no man liked to hear a woman say that marriage to him was an appalling idea. However much he might agree with her.

  He took a deep breath.

  “Then we both find the idea appalling,” he said. “To be blunt, Miss Sudbury, you are the last woman in a million that I would wish to marry.”

  “Splendid,” she responded crisply. “You are the last man in ten million that I would wish to marry.”

  “So we are both agreed!” he exclaimed with a touch of desperation. “Now, could we please go back to the beginning of this conversation? And this time let us both be very, very careful what we say.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  “You are quite right,” said Vanda, calming down. “This is a very awkward conversation and we must try not to make it more difficult than it should be.”

  To tell the truth she was slightly ashamed of her outburst, which had only happened because she had become horribly embarrassed.

  “I think it is outrageous of Papa to have bothered you with this ridiculous idea,” she said, “after I had already given him my answer.”

  “You made your refusal very plain, I hope?” Robert asked wryly.

  “I told him that nothing on earth would prevail on me to marry you. I said I would rather go to the stake –”

  “Yes, yes, I follow your meaning,” he interrupted, a little testily. “There is no need to elaborate.”

  “I just didn't want there to be any misunderstanding.”

  “I assure you there is no misunderstanding,” Robert asserted firmly.

  “Well I am sure you don't want to marry me, so I thought it would spare you any awkwardness, if I said it first that rather than marry you I would prefer to climb to the highest –”

  “Thank you, there's no need to say it again.”

  There was a silence. Then Vanda said in a different voice,

  “I will be truthful. I told Papa that although we have been friends since childhood and I am as fond of you as if you were my brother, I certainly do not love you enough to marry you.”

  “That is exactly what I told him,” said Robert. “You are dear to me as a sister and comrade, but I have not thought of marrying you, any more than you have of me.”

  “How could Papa be so tiresome?” Vanda exclaimed. “It is so embarrassing.”

  “I think it would be much more embarrassing if we were not frank with each other,” Robert suggested. “As this problem concerns only you and me, surely we can find some way of making your father happy without doing anything either of us will regret?”

  “You know Papa,” Vanda said with a touch of bitterness. “Nothing will make him happy but getting his own way. Our feelings don't concern him.”

  “You do him an injustice,” Robert said with a wry smile. “He kept insisting that we would be happy. He seemed a little puzzled that this assurance failed to convince me.”

  Vanda met his eyes and found in them a kindly humour. She choked with laughter at his irony and then they were laughing together.

  “Yes, he is just like that,” she agreed with a sigh. “Once he has pronounced, he considers that is the end of the matter. He is high-handed, autocratic and certain that he is always right about everything, and determined to brook no argument.”

  “My poor girl. However have you managed to stand up to him all this time?”

  “Because I am not his daughter for nothing! The melancholy truth is that I am exactly like him.”

  “Come, come, you do yourself an injustice. Not exactly, surely?”

  Vanda regarded him sulphurously, but laughed again.

  “Near enough,” she said. “You are quite right not to want to marry me. I would give you a terrible life.”

  “I don't want to marry anyone at the moment. I enjoy my life too much as it is. Of course I will have to do my duty one day, to be certain there is an heir to carry on the title when I die.”

  “And I suppose that I too will have to marry eventually,” Vanda said. “But it must be someone whom I love with my heart and my soul, and someone who loves me in the same way.”

  She made a wry face.

  “Perhaps it will never happen. Perhaps I will remain an old maid for the rest of my life. Very well. I would find that fate preferable to marrying the wrong man.”

  “Meaning me.”

  “Meaning any man that I do not love. I want someone whom I love so much that nothing else in the world matters.”

  There was something very moving in the way she spoke and Robert realised that she had translated his own thoughts into words. It was not the first time this had happened, for they were good friends and he felt that she understood him.

  “Have you really never met such a man?” he asked.

  Vanda shook her head.

  “I live in hope,” she said, “but so far I have never met a man who made me feel like that. And I have certainly never met one who felt like that about me. Or, if he did, he unaccountably failed to mention the fact.”
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  “Perhaps you frightened him too much – being so high-handed and autocratic with all your other attractions. All right, don't hit me with that cushion!”

  “You deserve it.”

  “Anyway, several men have wanted to marry you?”

  “Oh, yes, but none of them were just right. Not even the Viscount. In fact all he had to recommend him was his title. And his grand house, of course and his vast estates, and his huge fortune. In fact, I am beginning to wonder why I did refuse him.”

  “He was an idiot,” Robert reminded her solemnly. “I remember you telling me so at the time.”

  “Did I say that?”

  “Yes. You said spending your life tied to him would be a version of purgatory, and if your father was so anxious to be related to a Viscount, he should marry him himself and see how he liked it.”

  “That's right, I did,” Vanda said, smiling. “I would never dare to talk like that to anyone but you. People are so shocked by the things I say. I think I would be wiser to stay single.”

  “That is just what I often feel,” he agreed. “Of course I find women attractive. But I cannot imagine one spending the rest of her life with me!”

  Vanda regarded him impishly.

  “Really? That's not what I have heard. The gossip says that all London is awash with women desperately trying to become Lady Cunningham.”

  “Exactly. Wanting to become Lady Cunningham, not wanting to be my wife. A man will love a woman entirely because she is beautiful and sweet natured and he desires nothing but her heart. A woman, on the other hand, wants to marry a man with money and a title and preferably a place at Court.”

  “Poor Robert,” she said satirically. “My heart bleeds for you. Who would ever suspect you are so lonely and deprived?”

  “All right, Miss Sharp-Tongue. I have already admitted that I enjoy the bachelor life. There are advantages in regarding all females with suspicion. It keeps me free from snares.”

  “All women?” she asked, regarding him with her head on one side.

  After a moment he replied,

  “All women except you. Yes, you are right. There is only one woman in the world I know I can trust absolutely and rely on not to scheme and plot to take advantage of me. And it's you. We enjoy the kind of friendship I never believed possible between a man and a woman.”