To Heaven With Love Read online

  The Earl smiled.

  “A lovely compliment to my yacht, but why should it make you sad?”

  She explained the story of the thoroughbred Lady Atalanta and how sorry she had felt leaving her behind in the hands of Lord Buxton and Mr. Shawcroft.

  “How sensitive, kind and tender-hearted you are. I can easily see why you could not marry Buxton, but don’t worry, I will not pursue the subject. No more questions – ”

  Then his eyes lit up with mischief.

  “Perhaps you have some questions for me?”

  He looked so young and handsome and full of life, smiling at her across the table and, as she met his gaze, her whole body felt warm and alive too.

  “I really thought that you would be an old man with thick spectacles!”

  He laughed out loud.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well – I drove with Mr. Jackson past your home – Uplands Park – and he told me that the owner who lived there was very learned. And so I thought that you must be old like someone who spent all his days stuck in books.”

  “I do spend most of my time reading,” he admitted. “There is so much knowledge and wisdom in books. I want to know everything I can learn about the world and about the human beings who live in it.”

  His eyes shone.

  Then she suddenly felt doubtful and embarrassed, as she had not read many books and she was afraid that he might find her stupid.

  “Why are you looking sad again, Dorianna?”

  “I have read so little and I know almost nothing at all about the world.”

  “I don’t think that can be true. You seem to have a wisdom all of your own. And you are brave, but please, let’s not be serious this evening. Tell me, what did you think of the soup? It is made with our own asparagus from the walled garden at Uplands Park.”

  The pale green soup was the most delicious she had ever tasted and she said so.

  “Uplands Park must have wonderful gardens,” she added, remembering the elegant house and parkland that she had seen on the hill above the Marsh.

  The Earl smiled.

  “Tell me more about your home,” he ventured.

  She told him about her beloved Hall where she had grown up and then, just as she had done when they were at Lady Carysfort’s, she talked about the woodland garden.

  “There are statues there you might like, for they are Greek. Pan is there – and Aphrodite.”

  As she spoke the name it was almost as if she could see the Goddess’s marble face and her shy secret smile and a strange surge of excitement coursed through her.

  Then she looked up and met the Earl’s eyes and the strong feeling intensified, so that she did not know whether to leave the table and run away or stay, as she could hardly breathe with the thrill of the moment.

  Then the Earl spoke in a matter of fact tone and she found that she could breathe again.

  “I would expect that they are copies of the Greek originals.”

  “Yes, they are,” she replied. “I think my father had them made when he was first married to my Mama.”

  Suddenly she felt the anxiety of the previous night again and she pushed the soup away, horrified at herself for forgetting.

  “When will I be able to go ashore?” she asked. “I must do so as soon as I can.”

  For a moment she thought he would be angry again. But he spoke very gently to her, explaining that they would soon arrive in Gibraltar and then, if she wished, she could leave the yacht.

  Dorianna felt her anxiety lessening and that night, after she had returned to her cabin, she slept deeply and peacefully without dreaming.

  *

  Now, as she sat in the sun and breathed in the fresh sea air, Dorianna felt that she had never enjoyed anything so much as dinner last night with the Earl.

  ‘I would never have had that experience, if I had stayed in England and married Lord Buxton,’ she reflected. ‘Maybe when I go ashore, I will meet more kind thoughtful people and other good things will happen to me.’

  Sadness touched her heart at the thought of leaving the Athene and she shook herself, attempting to dispel the feeling.

  “Are you cold?”

  The Earl had come out from his study and was now standing beside her.

  “Should I fetch you a rug?”

  Dorianna shook her head.

  “I hope you are not feeling sad again. Please, won’t you join me? There is something I would like to discuss with you.”

  He looked so kind and spoke so gently that she had no hesitation in following him into the book-lined cabin, where only a few days earlier, she had spilt the tea and cherries all over the carpet.

  Once there and she was seated on the sofa, the Earl began speaking immediately,

  “I have been thinking about you all day – ”

  Dorianna felt her heart leap.

  She wanted to tell him that she had been thinking about him too, but he was still speaking,

  “The ancient philosophers believed that for each of us there is a perfect ‘other half’ – a soul mate, if you like.”

  He paused for a moment and looked down at his hands, his face flushed.

  All sorts of thoughts and images crowded into her head.

  She remembered the time when the deer had come out from the wood by the stream and looked up at her and she had felt, for one short instant, what it might be like for someone to truly know who she was and to care for her – and her alone.

  She recalled Mrs. Bertram, the cook, who had never been able to marry anyone else after she had lost her sailor.

  She thought of the joy on Audrey’s face, when she spoke of her Joshua.

  And then her heart turned over as her Mama’s voice rang in her ears again, saying, “there will never be anyone else like your Papa for me.”

  “Do you think, perhaps, there might be some truth in that idea?” the Earl was saying, his dark eyes searching her face.

  “I – yes – I do!” stammered Dorianna, knowing that her face had now turned red. “I do think it’s true.”

  “Why?” he asked her a little sharply.

  Dorianna struggled to put her thoughts into words.

  “It isn’t something I have read, I just – I just know it from what I have seen and from those who have found someone they truly love and who loves them – ”

  The Earl was silent and she felt afraid that he must think her a fool – young and ignorant in comparison with his learning and experience.

  Somehow she had to make him understand that she did most deeply believe in what she was saying.

  “That is why – ” she said, slowly, forcing herself to utter the words, “why I could not marry Lord Buxton. That is why I ran away – ”

  “So his fortune, then, meant nothing to you?”

  Suddenly Dorianna found words pouring out of her mouth.

  “I thought at first I would be able to save my home and to make my dear Mama happy – but money – doesn’t bring happiness – ”

  She then found herself telling him about Mama’s diamonds, and however beautiful they were, they had not made her Mama one bit as happy as she had been when her Papa was alive.

  She told him about the bitter old Dowager who was Lord Buxton’s mother.

  “I don’t think she is happy with all her finery and all her servants running around after her. She is angry and cruel.

  “My dear maid, Audrey, who helped me to escape, had no money and nothing but hard work to do and yet she was so happy.”

  “Did she have someone to love?” the Earl enquired.

  “Oh, yes – ”

  Dorianna suddenly felt shy.

  He was looking at her intensely.

  “Please, I have said far too much. I should not have told you all of this.”

  “I am glad you did, Dorianna, I have been wanting to ask something of you and now I know that I am right to ask it. Tomorrow morning we arrive at Gibraltar and you asked me to let you leave us there –

  �
��But I would like you to stay on board the Athene. There is something about you that is completely different from any woman I have ever met.”

  Dorianna’s heart was now beating furiously and her mind was in turmoil.

  She could not speak, but she shook her head hoping that he would say no more.

  “Please, do listen to what I have to say, Dorianna. I am travelling on to the Island of Kythira – the birthplace of Aphrodite – and I want you to come too.

  “It will mean so much more to me if you are there with me – looking out at the blue sea – and the sea is never so blue as it is in Greece, you would not believe it – and imagining the Goddess rising up out of the waves.”

  As she listened to him, Dorianna was filled with an indescribable joy.

  Her whole body suddenly seemed to be just singing with happiness and her consciousness was filled with the shining light of the scene he described.

  “Ah, you are smiling – so you will come, then?”

  She breathed deeply, holding on for a moment to the entrancing vision of the sun and the blue sea.

  Then she firmly pulled herself back to reality, to the bookshelves and the desk and carpet and all the everyday things in the study.

  “I cannot,” she mumbled. “It would not be right – ”

  The Earl interrupted her,

  “I don’t want to compromise your reputation in any way. I have spoken with Mrs. Farley and she will be very happy for you to stay on board as her assistant, so that your presence here will be perfectly respectable.”

  Dorianna felt as if she was being torn in two.

  “I really must go ashore! I must hear news of my Mama as soon as I can.”

  The Earl came to her and sat beside her on the sofa.

  He took her hand gently in his and the warmth of his touch flooded through her senses.

  “It is just a few short days’ sail to Kythira. Please, don’t refuse – let us get to know each other a little better. Your companionship gives me such pleasure – and I would like to share the beauty of that wonderful place with you.”

  Once again a vision of dazzling sunlight sparkling over the blue sea filled Dorianna’s mind, and she saw, as well, the secret smile on the face of the little stone statue of Aphrodite in the woodland garden and which seemed now to become a smile of fulfilment.

  She could not turn away from so much beauty and happiness.

  She could not refuse him and as she silently nodded her agreement he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.

  “Will you dine with me again tonight?” he said, his voice so soft and gentle that Dorianna longed to agree, but she told him that she must keep her side of the bargain and help Mrs. Farley.

  “Aha! So the charming ‘Dorothy’ will reappear!” he laughed, but seeing that Dorianna was upset, he kissed her hand again.

  “Forgive me, please, I don’t mean to make fun of you. I adore ‘Dorothy’ and applaud your sense of what is right and proper.

  “I would only ask, my dear friend, that you spend a little time with me, maybe over dessert, so that I may enjoy a morsel of your company as ‘Dorianna’.”

  *

  It required all Dorianna’s powers of concentration to follow Mrs. Farley’s instructions as she served dinner to the Earl that night.

  She felt proud when the housekeeper complimented her on her gracefulness and poise as she carried the heavy trays and dishes, keeping her balance and spilling nothing while the Athene rocked over the waves.

  Her duties done, she sat for a short while with the Earl and listened entranced as he talked about the ancient country of Greece steeped in history and myth, a country he loved deeply.

  He told her of the great marble temples of Athens and the ruins of Olympus, where the nightingales sang by the ancient race track and spoke of how he had watched the sun rise over the stone seats of the theatre at Delphi.

  “All of these places I love, but nothing compares to Kythira. I long to return there and I cannot wait to show it to you and hear if you feel the same way as I do.

  “But now, you must retire and restore your energy. In the morning we will be at Gibraltar, where we will take on our supplies and I must pay a brief visit to an old friend, an Officer at the local Garrison.”

  Dorianna’s imagination glowed with the brilliant images he had conjured up for her.

  Her heart and soul were with him as he described each magical place and it was hard to bring herself back to reality.

  As she rose to leave, she suddenly felt confused and dressed in her maid’s uniform as she was, she found herself dropping a curtsy.

  The Earl had stood up as well and had been about to kiss her hand again.

  Instead, he burst out laughing.

  “A very goodnight to you, Dorothy!” he exclaimed, his eyes shining with amusement. “I do hope that you have enjoyed our talk!”

  As Dorianna made her way to her cabin, her whole being, body and soul sang with elation.

  ‘I have never been so happy,’ she said to herself. ‘I did not know that such happiness existed in the world, such laughter, such kindness – such – love – ’

  She again slept soundly, her dreams full of golden sunbeams falling on white marble and islands rising from the azure sea like misty apparitions in the blue distance.

  *

  Next morning, she woke to the unfamiliar sensation of stillness, as the Athene had already docked at Gibraltar.

  When she went to the galley, Mrs. Farley informed her that the Earl had gone ashore and that he would not be back for several hours.

  “If you wish to visit the town, you may, as there is nothing for you to do on board. The Rock is very famous for its monkeys, I believe.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Farley, I would like to see them,” Dorianna told her and went off to change from her maid’s uniform into her pink gown before she stepped ashore.

  The harbour at Gibraltar was full of pleasure boats, luxurious yachts and cruisers of all types, though none as elegant or as modern as the Athene.

  A crowd of well-dressed people from other boats stood on the quayside, staring at the Earl’s yacht.

  “It’s quite elegant, I suppose. But steam – I really don’t think it will catch on. So noisy and dirty!”

  Dorianna heard a loud woman’s voice that sounded familiar.

  “Whose is it? It’s flying the British flag,” another woman asked, speaking with an American accent.

  Dorianna tried to slip away, but someone seized her by her arm.

  “Excuse me, young lady,” a woman said, “we are wondering who this lovely vessel belongs to. Perhaps you can enlighten us?”

  As she turned to face the woman, Dorianna’s heart turned to ice.

  It was Lady Carysfort who had hold of her arm and who was now staring intently at her.

  “Well, by Jove. The little runaway! Did you know that the whole of England is on the lookout for you? And not just you either, you little minx! Your Mama has gone missing too – taking a leaf out of your book!”

  “What?” gasped Dorianna.

  Lady Carysfort laughed, but kept her tight grip on Dorianna’s arm.

  “Shawcroft himself doesn’t seem all that bothered. He’s planning to travel to Argentina with Lord Buxton – hoping to heal his broken heart, I suppose. What a silly girl you are – letting such an opportunity pass you by.”

  Dorianna’s limbs felt they were turning to stone.

  “Oh, Mama!” she whispered.

  “You poor dear, you look like you are just about to faint,” said Lady Carysfort’s companion, a plump woman, who wore a hat with a drooping mauve feather. “Let go of her arm, Gladys, I think you are hurting her.”

  Lady Carysfort snorted, but she released her grip on Dorianna’s arm.

  “I have to get back to England,” wailed Dorianna. “I have to find Mama!”

  “Putting two and two together, I guess you must be Lady Dorianna Dale! The talk of all Society!” the plump woman added. “Our yac
ht is leaving for Dover today, if that’s any use.”

  “Please – may I come with you? Are you leaving right away?”

  “Sure you may, honey. Mrs. Bertha Van Helm, at your service. I like your spirit! You’re not one of these milk-and-water English girls.”

  Lady Carysfort snorted again.

  “The girl’s a complete fool, Bertha.”

  “Independence is a fine thing in a girl – she could be an American. Don’t you have a valise, honey? A bag?”

  “No, no – please can we go now!” cried Dorianna, looking back for a moment at the gleaming painted sides of the Athene.

  Her heart twisted inside her as if it would break in two.

  She must be gone before the Earl returned.

  She could not allow him to see her again now that she was breaking her promise to him.

  “Come along, honey, we’ll get you to Dover in no time at all.”

  Mrs. Van Helm tucked Dorianna’s hand under her arm and led her along the harbourside to a luxurious three masted yacht, where a crew of sailors were swabbing down the decks ready for departure.

  *

  The voyage home passed in a daze.

  It was as if Dorianna had left behind the sunlight and warmth and sailed into a frozen mist of sadness and her anxiety for her Mama was the only feeling that could reach her heart.

  Mrs. Van Helm was kind and sociable and tried to cheer her up, but Dorianna only wanted news of her Mama, and she certainly did not want to answer Mrs. Van Helm’s questions as to how she came to be in Gibraltar.

  At last they reached Dover, where rain clouds hung low in the sky, and refusing Mrs. Van Helm’s kind offer to drive her wherever she wished to go, Dorianna took the train to London.

  ‘First, I will go home to Ashburton Hall,’ she said to herself. ‘I don’t know where else I can go and maybe someone there will know what has happened to Mama.’

  All day long it rained heavily and as she left the Dover train and made her way over London for the train to Hertfordshire, Dorianna wished that she had taken up Mrs. Van Helm’s offer as she had no coat and no umbrella.

  At the little station near Ashburton Hall, she asked for a pony and trap to drive the last few miles.

  ‘Thank you so much, Mr. Bentley,’ she whispered, as she counted out the coins to pay the driver.