Journey to Happiness Read online

  He finished with a glint of mischief in his eyes that both girls found irresistible. They burst out laughing and Hugh, sitting between them, put an arm around each of their shoulders and laughed with them.

  “That’s all very well,” Martina said, “but you might find it awkward to decide who is wife number one and who is wife number two.”

  “Not at all,” he responded calmly. “I shall let you fight over me and award myself to the victor.”

  They all chuckled again and then looked up to see that Robin had just entered the saloon.

  “I say, Hugh, that Captain of yours won’t let me pilot the ship into Gibraltar.”

  “Shame on him! Did you explain how brilliant you are in a rowing boat?”

  “Yes, but the scurvy fellow was not impressed!”

  *

  They had almost reached the port of Gibraltar. The yacht, already travelling slowly, slowed even more and began the tricky entrance, while they crowded on deck and watched in admiration as the Captain glided in.

  “Well, I suppose he did manage better than I would have done,” Robin admitted to the amusement of the others.

  They went ashore and found a restaurant for lunch, then split up into two parties for an afternoon of sight-seeing.

  It was quite clear that Harriet and Robin were determined to be alone together and Martina was deeply content wandering the streets on Hugh’s arm.

  “You are not really reconciled to them making a match of it, are you?” he asked.

  “Oh, I am becoming resigned to it. I don’t dislike him, but I wanted somebody more solid and dependable for Harriet.”

  “But is that what she wants for herself. He is a bit of a silly fellow, but I think she finds it endearing, much as his mother would. Some women are made that way.”

  “Yes,” Martina agreed in a wondering voice. “Harriet is like that. I didn’t see it. Very well, I give my consent reluctantly, because as you say he is a silly fellow and you couldn’t always rely on him to stick exactly to the facts.”

  “I am sure Harriet will appreciate his weakness and will refrain from questioning him too closely in their married life.”

  She gave a little shudder.

  “What sort of a married life would that turn out to be?”

  “I believe they will be very happy.”

  “Well, it would not do for me – a man you could not trust to tell the truth about absolutely everything.”

  “Be fair Martina. Nobody tells the truth about absolutely everything.”

  “You do,” she said at once. “Do you know, I realise now that the reason I turned to you so confidently was because I knew by instinct that you are the most honest man alive and I could trust you absolutely. And you have proved me right!”

  “Yes, but – we all have our secrets. Do you mean you could not trust me if you knew that I had kept something to myself?”

  “Oh, I don’t mean that. Of course we all have secrets, but I know that you would never deceive me. You would never tell me that you were doing one thing and then do another. It just isn’t in you. I know that.”

  “And if you found that you were wrong,” he asked slowly, “that would be the end?”

  “Of course. I would mind more with you than with anyone else, because I trust you more than anyone else. But I have no fear. After all, I put my fate into your hands, didn’t I?”

  He took her hand in his. He seemed both moved and confused.

  “I do not deserve such trust,” he mumbled huskily. “No man deserves it. I am afraid that one day you will discover that and blame me.”

  “I am not afraid,” she answered softly.

  “Martina, if only I – if you only understood – ”

  “Perhaps I do,” she said tenderly.

  “There is something I have longed to say to you – ”

  “Is it really so hard?” she asked.

  Her pulses were racing. The moment was here. He was going to ask her to marry him once more and this time there was no doubt as to what her answer would be.

  “You have no idea how hard it is,” he admitted. “After what you have just said to me – ”

  She laughed at him.

  “Oh, my dear! Just because I have told you I admire and respect you more than any other man I know, why should that dismay you as it seems to?”

  “Because it is such a great burden and responsibility,” he replied gravely.

  “Isn’t it one that you have placed on me, whenever you have asked me to marry you?” she quizzed him, “and whenever you have said that you love me?”

  “And you feel that my love is a burden,” he sighed.

  “No, that is not what I am saying,” she told him eagerly. “I am saying that you can say anything to me that you want.”

  Why did he take so long? she wondered. Had she not given him enough hints, even reminding him of previous proposals?

  “You think it’s so easy,” he said. “But you make me afraid.”

  “Afraid?”

  “Afraid to fail you. Afraid of your judgement when I do fail. I think – ”

  “Yes?”

  “I think I have now realised that I am a coward and that maybe it is better to hope and to dream.”

  She frowned and there was a little ache of disappointment in her heart.

  “I do not understand you,” she said at last.

  “Perhaps neither of us has understood each other very well. This voyage has already been one of discovery in many ways.”

  “Hugh – ”

  “Do not look alarmed, my dear. I think my wits are wandering and I am talking nonsense. It is a beautiful day and tomorrow we will be in Monte Carlo. Let’s banish serious thoughts and concentrate only on enjoying ourselves.”

  From then on he put himself out to be charming and light-hearted in a way that would once have delighted her.

  But now Martina was aware of a faint uneasiness at the back of her mind. Their relationship had seemed to be going so well, yet in the last few minutes there had been a false step, either on his part or on hers. She was not even sure which. All she knew for sure was that something was wrong.

  At last she managed to put such thoughts aside and enjoy herself as Hugh had urged.

  They met up again with Harriet and Robin and ate dinner in a little restaurant by the waterfront.

  Then it was time to stroll back to the ship, hanging on Hugh’s arm and laughing at his jokes.

  She could not recall him ever being so merry.

  They bade each other goodnight and retired to their cabins.

  Martina slept well and when she awoke in the morning it was to find that the ship had left Gibraltar at first light and they were on their way to Monte Carlo.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  They made good time to the little Principality of Monaco arriving in the late afternoon on the next day. Martina’s first view was the sun gleaming on the marvellous pink palace, built high on a cliff overlooking the harbour.

  The town of Monte Carlo rose steeply and behind it the hills reared even higher. She took a long breath of happy expectation.

  They had already eaten on board and were now ready to disembark. Hugh took their passports to the Harbour Master’s Office and returned with all kinds of useful information.

  “There is a concert at the Grand Theatre tonight,” he announced, “and it is strongly rumoured that the Prince will be present.”

  Everyone agreed that they wanted to see His Serene Highness Prince Charles III, who had ruled Monaco for thirty-four years.

  But Martina did add,

  “Will there be time to go to the casino afterwards?”

  “No,” Hugh said firmly. “Wait until the following night when you can give it all your energy. Not to mention all your money.”

  “That’s what you think, but I am going to win. You wait and see.”

  “I will wait with bated breath. Now if you ladies will hurry and dress, it will soon be time to leave.”

  A carriage was
waiting for them on the quay an hour later. The two gentlemen were splendid in evening dress. Harriet wore her pale yellow gown, her ‘primrose’ dress as she now called it and was rewarded by seeing Robin’s eyes light up.

  Martina’s dress was ivory satin adorned with diamonds on her wrists and about her neck. On her head she wore a diamond tiara and diamond ear rings hung from her ears.

  She too had the satisfaction of seeing Hugh’s eyes gleam at the sight of her. He took her hand and carried it to his lips before handing her gallantly into the carriage.

  Martina’s first sight of the Grand Theatre struck her dumb with wonder. Although small it was an extravagant fantasy of cherubs, tassels, scrolls, luxurious drapes and gilt, gilt everywhere.

  At the back in the centre was the Prince’s box, another symphony in gilt and tassels. As she entered the stalls on Hugh’s arm, Martina gazed up, seeing that the box was empty for the moment.

  She was not rewarded until the last moment. Just before the lights faded, an elderly man with a thick grey beard, walked very slowly into the box and stood stiffly to attention, flanked by courtiers as the National Anthem was played.

  The performance was a concert of operatic pieces, mostly light-hearted with some love duets.

  The last item before the interval was a duet from Mozart’s Don Giovanni. As the Don made advances to Zerlina she struggled to decide about him, singing, “Vorrei, e non vorrei? I want to say yes and yet I don’t want to.”

  Nothing could better express Martina’s own confusion, except that gradually she was becoming convinced that she did want to say yes.

  Suddenly she had a conviction that Hugh was watching her. Turning her head slowly she found that indeed his eyes were fixed on her and there was a look of understanding in them. He too had recognised her in the music.

  She smiled back at him, feeling a comfortable sense that they belonged together because he could read her mind.

  It was not as exciting as being kissed, but it carried a sweetness that was very pleasant.

  During the interval they drank coffee and discussed the evening. Harriet was thrilled with her surroundings. After the restricted social life forced on her by her stepfather, she felt as though she had gone to Heaven.

  “And to think I actually saw the Prince,” she breathed.

  “Yes, he is very impressive,” Hugh said, “but you have to feel sorry for the poor fellow. He is almost completely blind. He has been that way for years.”

  “How sad!” Harriet exclaimed. “Why, that reminds me of – oh, dear! I feel rather guilty now.”

  “Why ever should you feel guilty?” Robin asked curiously.

  “Well, doesn’t it make you feel guilty?” Martina put in quickly. “Here we are enjoying ourselves and never thinking of how the world has been spoiled for him. I wonder what it’s like to hear a concert but be unable to see anything.”

  “It must be very tragic for him,” Robin replied and the conversation passed on to other matters.

  Martina breathed a sigh of relief. Harriet had been thinking of the half-blind elderly priest at the wedding ceremony, forgetting that Robin knew nothing about their scheme.

  When the performance was over and the audience was streaming out into the warm night, Hugh said,

  “I think it would suit me to walk back to the yacht. It isn’t a long walk. Miss Lawson, would you care to join me?”

  “Yes, I too would enjoy the walk,” Martina agreed at once.

  Robin and Harriet promptly declared that they would prefer the carriage and a few moments later they were bowling away down the road to the harbour.

  “I wonder why they didn’t choose to walk with us?” Martina asked mischievously.

  “Because they were not going to lose the chance of a tête-à-tête,” he replied, adding with a grin, “neither was I.”

  “For shame, sir. I thought you truly wanted to take some healthy exercise.”

  “You thought nothing of the kind. You knew I wanted to be alone with you.”

  “You misjudge me. I am not vain enough to think that I might figure in your calculations.”

  She almost skipped along the road ahead of him glancing back over her shoulder laughing.

  At the bottom of the sloping road they could see the harbour filled with brilliantly lit boats. High overhead the stars wheeled in the velvety night.

  Suddenly Martina felt happy and confident, sure that her power over Hugh was as strong as ever and it only needed a little time to bring matters to a happy conclusion.

  “You have never been vain,” he said, also laughing and following her.

  “Come now, have you never felt that I have too good an opinion of myself?”

  “Tact and discretion will keep me silent on that score,” he riposted.

  He caught up with her and drew her arm through his.

  “But you were right about my calculations,” Hugh continued. “It’s in my nature to plan things. It always has been. I am not spontaneous, like Robin.”

  “None the worse for that. Robin speaks and acts first and thinks later, if at all.”

  “Well, I cannot deny it, but his heart is warm. He will be an affectionate husband.”

  “I think you are going a little too fast.”

  “I understood that you had given your consent.”

  “I am resigned, but I think she could do better.”

  “Brendan Muncaster?”

  “That isn’t fair!”

  “I think it is. Robin has an old and honourable title and is immensely rich. What’s more he loves her and so she can be the making of him. Some men are like that, you know. They are naturally malleable and a good wife can influence such a husband as she pleases.”

  “Malleable?” she mused. “Nobody could call you malleable.”

  “No, I am proud and stubborn. I decide what I want and I don’t turn back until I get it, even when the wanting is unreasonable. A good friend once told me that I have a head of granite.”

  They were walking side by side now, her arm through his. An open carriage passed them. The passengers were a young man and a girl, locked in an embrace. They were not kissing but staring into each other’s faces, oblivious to the entire world.

  Suddenly the night seemed to be full of couples walking hand in hand, embracing in the shadows.

  In Monte Carlo the very air seemed to be alive with romance, and Martina, who had thought herself devoted to Reason, began to appreciate that there were other more thrilling horizons to explore.

  “I do believe that your head is made of granite,” she said. “But what of your heart?”

  “Don’t you think you know all there is to be known about my heart?”

  “Oh, no,” Martina replied seriously. “Nobody knows about anyone else’s heart.”

  “What a wise woman you have become. It’s not so long since you told me that you would settle for a cold and lonely life, as long as it was interesting. How my heart quailed at the suggestion that I bored you.”

  “I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have said, because in those days – I didn’t understand – ”

  “Understand what?” Hugh asked as she hesitated.

  “Things that – perhaps – I have come to understand since. I didn’t mean to be unkind when I said that. I just didn’t think. I was not wise in those days, not in the special way that I am now.”

  Now she had given him a chance. He would ask about the ‘special way’ she had become wise and she could hint at her love for him and he would ask her to marry him.

  But the silence stretched on and on and still he did not speak. A chill began to creep over her heart and when she looked at him his eyes were fixed on the ground.

  “Well,” he said at long last and it seemed to Martina that he spoke heavily, “there is much to be said for obtaining wisdom. Nobody can be the worse for it.”

  “Unless wisdom teaches you a lesson that you do not wish to learn,” she fenced.

  “How true. I know that I am not the m
an I was. I have learned – much against my will – to mistrust my own instincts.”

  The chill spread out from her heart to encompass her whole body. He was telling her that he no longer loved her.

  “I told you that I am a man who likes to plan well ahead,” he continued, as though he had not felt the slight tightening of her hand on his arm. “I try to look forward and see the pitfalls and work out how to avoid them.”

  “Hugh, what are you saying?”

  He seemed not to hear her.

  “And then I find that while I was complimenting myself on my cleverness, I created another pitfall that I never foresaw. And when I did uncover it, it was too late and I am deep in trouble and there is no way out.”

  She stopped in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

  “You are now talking in riddles, Hugh.”

  He looked down at her face and smiled gently,

  “Yes, I am, aren’t I?”

  “Will you not tell me what you mean?”

  “My dear, I cannot – not just yet. Not until I see my way clear.”

  “You are frightening me. It has always been so simple between us.”

  He gave a half laugh.

  “Yes, very simple. I am saying please and you are saying no.”

  “I did not mean that. I only meant that it’s different now. Those days are over. I wouldn’t want to go back to them.”

  “Neither would I,” he agreed at once. “But things have happened that I cannot tell you about – yet.”

  “But – one day?”

  “One day. And when that happens – well, I can only hope that you will understand. In the meantime, we will continue to be – as we were. But you will know that I hold you in my heart. And I always will.”

  She gave a sigh of relief.

  “I was afraid that you no longer loved me.”

  “I shall love you all my life. Nothing could make me stop loving you. Nothing. Do you understand?”

  “Oh, yes,” she sighed gladly. “And I love you too, Hugh.”

  “Hush! Do not say it too soon.”

  “I am not. But I know it now.”

  “My dear,” he said huskily. “My darling!”

  They were at a bend in the road and on the words he drew her into the shadows, tightening his arms about her and covering her mouth with his own.