Dancing on a Rainbow Page 11

  He drew Loretta into a room which she felt must be one that was particularly his own.

  There were exquisite pieces of French furniture around the walls and very comfortable-looking sofas and chairs.

  Despite the fact that everything about it was exquisitely French, it was also a man’s room and there was an atmosphere of masculinity that was unmistakable.

  Fabian helped Loretta onto one of the sofas and then put his soft linen handkerchief into her hand. She wiped away the tear-stains from her cheeks, but when she looked up at him, her long eyelashes were still wet.

  Although she was not aware of it, she looked very pale and without the cosmetics, which had been washed away by her tears, very pathetic.

  Fabian did not speak until a footman came into the room with a bottle of champagne in an ice-bucket and two glasses.

  He filled one and set it down on a small table beside Loretta and handed another to his Master. Then he put the ice-bucket down on the table on the other side of the fireplace and left the room.

  “Drink a little,” Fabian suggested gently. “It is what you need.”

  Because she was too weak not to obey him, she did as she was told.

  Then, as she wiped her face again with Fabian’s handkerchief, he said,

  “You look very lovely, but desperately in need of protection. This sort of thing must never happen to you again and that is why, my darling, I have something to ask you.”

  “What is – it?”

  She thought it strange that for a moment he seemed to be feeling for words.

  Then he said,

  “I love you and I know, although you will not admit it, that you love me. We are complete and one person, so we have to be together. That is why I am asking you, my darling, to come away with me.”

  For a moment Loretta did not understand, then as her eyes searched his, he said,

  “For a little while, until your husband divorces you, we shall be like your friends Ingrid and Hugh Galston, but I think our love is big enough for neither of us to mind being ostracised by the Social world. In fact, I think that world will not be of the least interest to either of us, now or in the future.”

  “I don’t – know what – you are saying – I don’t understand,” Loretta faltered.

  “I think you do,” Fabian contradicted. “You are intelligent enough to know that love is irresistible and when we find real love, the love we all seek, it is impossible to deny it.”

  He paused for a moment and, taking her hand, turned it over in his, as he remarked,

  “Such a very little hand and yet, my precious, you hold my heart and my whole happiness in it. If you refuse me, I shall never be a whole man again.”

  Loretta closed her eyes for a moment before she asked in a very low voice,

  “How could you – of all people – with your background, your possessions and with your position in France do – anything that would – cause such a – scandal?”

  Fabian laughed and it was a very happy sound.

  “Scandal? What scandal? The chattering of people who are merely envious because they don’t feel what we feel! Moreover, my darling, we shall not be here to listen to all the nonsense they will say about us.”

  Loretta made a little murmur, but she did not interrupt and he went on,

  “I am going to take you away, first to North Africa, where I own a large amount of land, and which I think you will find as fascinating as I do. Later we can live in Normandy, where I have an estate that belonged to my mother. It is so different in every way from my father’s château on the Loire, that we might as well be in another world.”

  He paused and his fingers tightened on hers as he added,

  “If you are not happy in France, the world is a large place and I know wherever I am with you, we shall be in the ‘Utopia’ I have always sought.”

  He smiled as he said,

  “It is the Paradise that has always escaped me, until, when you came into the salon the first day of your arrival, I knew that I had found you and nothing else was of any consequence.

  “You – cannot mean what – you are – saying,” Loretta murmured.

  Then, as Fabian looked into her eyes, she knew that he was speaking from his heart and that every word he had said to her was utterly sincere.

  “I know what you are thinking,” he said softly, “but I also know that, just as you love me, my precious little Goddess, explanations between us are quite unnecessary. I will take you away. I will protect you and love you for the rest of our lives. When we die, there will be other lives because it is impossible now for us ever to lose each other again.”

  Because she was unable to speak, she could only look at him and was not aware that her eyes seemed to fill her whole face.

  Then, as the door opened, Fabian released her hand and said in a very different voice which seemed irrepressibly gay and happy,

  “Now I am going to give you something to eat and then I will take you home. You have been through enough for one night and tomorrow we will make plans.”

  Incredible though it seemed afterwards, they sat down at the table and, as the servants brought in course after course, each more delicious than the last, Fabian talked.

  He made himself so amusing and so fascinating that it was possible for Loretta to forget what had happened and even to laugh at what he said.

  It was like, she thought, being part of the iridescence of the fountain in the Bois de Boulogne, as she was swept away by his joie de vivre.

  She could no longer be miserable or frightened, but only happy because they were together and for the moment nothing else seemed to matter.

  *

  It was only when their dinner was finished and the servants had cleared the table that Loretta moved to stand looking down into the fireplace which, because there was no fire, was filled with flowers.

  She did not realise that Fabian stood behind her and she started as he asked,

  “What is worrying you?”

  He did not wait for her to answer but declared,

  “I will do all the worrying in the future and I want you to smile and look happy as you were doing just now. Leave everything to me, my precious.”

  “B-but – I cannot do that.”

  “Why not? That is what I am here for – to look after you.”

  “I know, but – ”

  “There are no ‘buts’,” Fabian interrupted. “You are mine, Loretta, and, as I really will kill any man who frightens you again, you just have to leave everything in my hands.”

  “I-I cannot do that – you don’t – understand,” Loretta stuttered.

  She was thinking that perhaps she should tell him who she was and explain what had happened.

  Then, before she could formulate her words or decide what she wished to do, Fabian put his fingers under her chin and turned her face up to his.

  “You are so lovely, so unbelievably lovely,” he sighed, “but so much more than that.”

  His voice was very deep and solemn and yet, because he was touching her, Loretta felt little shafts of sunshine, as she had before, running through her.

  “I adore your beauty and I want and desire you! How could I do anything else?” he asked in a low voice almost as if he was speaking to himself. “But I also worship your aura of purity. I know you are good and I have known very few good women in my life.”

  Loretta’s eyes dropped for a moment before his, but he did not release her chin and he went on,

  “But that is not all. I am absolutely sure that you are the other half of me – the completion that makes us together one person. As I have already said, I have found you after searching for so long and I will never lose you again!”

  He spoke with a determination in his voice that made Loretta feel that he would sweep away any obstacles in his path and fight unceasingly to gain all that he desired.

  “I love you! I love you and together we are, even if people do not realise it at first, the perfection of love.”

&n
bsp; Then his arms were round her and, before she could realise what he was about to do, his lips were on hers.

  She knew as her body melted against his that this was what she had wanted, this was what she had been longing for, although she dared not admit it.

  He kissed her until she felt as if they were swept out of the room and up into the sky.

  Now the sunlight in her body became iridescent rainbows that carried her higher and higher until she thought that Fabian gave her the stars and they glittered in her breast and on her lips.

  Then they became little tongues of fire answering the flames that she knew were burning inside him.

  Yet he had himself completely under control and only when Loretta felt as if she could not experience such ecstatic sensations as he evoked in her and not die from the wonder of them, he raised his head and said in a voice that was curiously unsteady,

  “Now do you understand?”

  “I – love you!” Loretta whispered because she could not help herself.

  “That is all that matters!” he said quietly.

  He had so bewildered her that, before she could realise what was happening, he had put her velvet wrap round her shoulders and had drawn her from the salon and into the hall.

  As they moved towards the door, she saw that his carriage was waiting for them and when the horses drove off, he put his arms round her and held her close against him, but he did not kiss her again.

  Instead, she saw that he was looking ahead into their future and seeing it so clearly that it was almost as if he was reading it out to her from pages he had written it down on.

  It was only a short distance from the Marquis’s house to the Champs-Élysees and, when they arrived, Loretta said hurriedly and again a little incoherently,

  “I must – talk to you – I must explain – ”

  “There is nothing to talk about tonight,” Fabian replied. “Tomorrow I will listen to whatever you have to say if it is of real importance. Otherwise, my precious, we are both of us past words.”

  He kissed her hand and then he said,

  “Because I have to look after you and prevent you from being tired after what has been a very emotional upset, I want you to go straight to bed and remember only what you felt just now when I kissed you.”

  His lips touched her hand again and then he helped her out of the carriage.

  Before she could realise what he was doing, he had taken her into the hall and left her there.

  She wanted to cry out to him, to stop him, but she heard the carriage driving away and knew that it was too late and that she should have told him that she was not who she pretended to be.

  Then, as everything seemed to be turning over and over in her mind, the butler said,

  “Madame is alone in the silver salon.”

  ‘I must see Ingrid,’ Loretta thought.

  The servant went ahead and opened the door of the silver salon and she saw Ingrid looking very beautiful and sitting in one of the blue brocade and gold chairs.

  She looked up as Loretta came into the room and exclaimed,

  “My dearest, you are back early! I have been so worried as to what had happened to you. I heard you were driven away in a strange carriage before Fabian had come to collect you as arranged.”

  Loretta drew in her breath and then, as she was about to tell Ingrid what had happened, the Earl came into the room.

  Instantly Ingrid’s attention was directed towards him.

  “Is it all right, Hugh?” she asked and her voice was anxious. “What did that man want to see you about?”

  The Earl walked in silence until he stood in front of Ingrid.

  Then he looked down at her with an expression in his eyes that Loretta thought was very moving as he said,

  “My wife died three days ago! And now, my darling, I can ask you to marry me.”

  Ingrid gave a cry of happiness that brought tears to Loretta’s eyes.

  Then, as the Earl put his arms around her, Loretta knew that for the moment they would wish to be alone.

  Without either of them realising it, she slipped out of the room and went up the stairs.

  Only when she reached her bedroom did she know what she had to do and that was to go home.

  In the first place Ingrid and Hugh would want to be alone after all they had been through, for this was the opening of a new chapter in their lives and no one outside should intrude on them.

  Secondly, quite apart from Ingrid, Loretta knew that she herself had made a decision regarding her future.

  She rang the bell for Marie and, when she came to her room, she told her to pack, as they would be leaving first thing in the morning.

  “So soon, my Lady? ” Maria moaned. “I very happy in Paris. I don’t wish to go back to England.”

  Loretta was about to say that perhaps it would not be for long. Then she was afraid in case it was unlucky to anticipate what was not yet decided.

  Now she tortured herself with the thought that when Fabian found out that she had deceived him he would be angry.

  Perhaps, too, because he was unconventional and different in so many ways, he would not agree to marry the girl his father had chosen for him, but would prefer the dangerous and wild adventure of running away with a married woman and defying the Social world.

  There were a million questions that Loretta was to ask herself, not only during the night when she could not sleep but also the next morning, when she and Marie drove to the Gare du Nord before Ingrid had been called.

  During the night she had written two letters, one to Ingrid, thanking her for being so kind and understanding and telling her how thrilled and delighted she was to hear that she could now marry the man she loved.

  She ended her letter,

  “ You will not understand, but one day I may be able to explain to you that I want to marry the man I love. It will not be wrong, as you thought it might be, but right, completely and absolutely right for us both.

  Just as you and Hugh have the love that conquers all things and before which everything else pales into insignificance, I have found the same – but please do NOT tell Fabian who I am. There are still many difficulties and obstacles .”

  To Fabian she wrote,

  “I love you – I love you with all my heart, but perhaps when you know how I have deceived you, you will no longer love me and it will be my own fault for doing anything so outrageous as to come alone to Paris.

  I was searching, as you were, for someone of whom I had dreamt, someone I thought I would never find.

  So perhaps you will forgive me.

  Lora.”

  She wondered what he would think when he read it. She wondered if, because obviously he would guess that she had gone home to England, he would think it worth his while to follow her.

  Perhaps he would return to the life he was living before she arrived and particularly to Madame Julie St. Gervaise.

  ‘There have been so many women in his life and I am just a falling star who held his attention for a minute, but whom he will find it easy to forget,’ Loretta thought.

  *

  Then, as the train carried her towards Calais, she wanted to cry out because of the agony consuming her at losing Fabian and a love that enveloped her to the point where it was impossible to think or feel anything but her love.

  ‘I love him! I love him!’ she told herself over and over again and the wheels beneath her seemed to be repeating the same words, ‘I love him! I love him!’

  Marie, who had been sulking because of their sudden return to England, suddenly leant across to ask in a worried voice,

  “You all right, my Lady? You very pale. Perhaps you start bad cold?”

  “No, I am all right, Marie,” Loretta managed to reply.

  But she knew that was untrue and she would never be all right again until Fabian was with her, protecting her, keeping her safe and loving her.

  A million times she asked herself whether she had done the wrong thing in coming away without seeing
him first.

  If it had not been for the death of Hugh’s wife and her knowledge that she should not intrude on their happiness, she might have confessed to Fabian the truth when he called for her in the morning, as he had said he would do.

  But she had been desperately afraid of seeing the disillusionment in his eyes and she could hear Ingrid saying so positively when she first arrived,

  “Fabian will take no notice of you if he thinks you are a jeune fille.”

  She had gone on to say that she was sure he had never talked to one, unless she was a relative.

  How then, after she had met him under false pretences, would he react to the truth that she was not only a jeune fille , but the one chosen for him by his father?

  She knew without being told that, while Fabian was fond of his father, he also resented the Duc treating him as if he was still under his authority.

  ‘He is so much a man, so much an individual in his own right,’ Loretta thought. ‘Of course he wants to be his own master and decide everything for himself!’

  The more she thought about it, the more she could see her happiness slipping away and a gulf spreading between her and Fabian, just as the physical distance between them lengthened and lengthened as the train drew her towards Calais.

  She and Marie caught the midday steamer to Dover and finally there was a long and tiresome wait at the junction for the train, which would carry them back to their local station.

  Loretta had sent a telegram from Dover for a carriage to meet her and she was indeed thankful that it was there.

  But she really found it difficult to think of anything but Fabian, Fabian telling her of his love, Fabian holding her in his arms, Fabian finding her at the Comte’s house when he had climbed up to the balcony to save her!

  Fabian! Fabian!

  She knew if she never saw him again that he would haunt her for the rest of her life and she would die with his name on her lips.

  When she was at home in her own bed, tired out by the journey, only thankful it was too late to see Cousin Emily, she felt she had been away for a hundred years and had lived a different life on another planet.

  Still there was only Fabian and her last thought before finally she fell asleep was that his lips were on hers and once again the stars were glittering in her breasts and their glitter had become little tongues of fire.