The Star of Love Page 10

  How long had they been together? How many times had he kissed that precious hand?

  And she had permitted it.

  Then he had arrived not a moment too soon.

  Now he blamed himself for taking so long. He should have warned her the moment he knew John’s plans. But he had foolishly imagined that Lady Cliona possessed too much delicacy to allow attentions from such a character.

  Then his heart insisted on absolving her. She did not know the truth about John and for that, he himself was to blame.

  Now he must act.

  But a shock awaited him. When he had handed Lightning to the groom who came running out, and knocked at the front door, it was opened by Davis, the Kenton’s steward, who knew him well. But instead of standing back for him to pass, Davis shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, and stood in the doorway, blocking his entrance.

  “I have come to see Lady Cliona Locksley,” explained Charles.

  “I am sorry, my Lord, but Lady Cliona is not at home.”

  “What do you mean, not at home?” Charles demanded in outrage. “I have just seen her. I know she’s here.”

  “Yes, my Lord,” said Davis miserably. “But she is not at home.”

  “Don’t talk such rubbish to me. You know who I am.

  Stand aside.”

  “I’m sorry, my Lord. I have my orders.”

  “Whose orders?”

  “Her Ladyship’s.”

  “And is she ‘not at home’ to everybody?” asked Charles dangerously.

  Davis gulped.

  “No, my Lord. Just to your Lordship.” He looked so miserable that Charles took pity on him.

  Stepping inside he lifted Davis bodily out of his way.

  “Now Lady Cliona cannot blame you,” he said. “Just tell her it was my fault.”

  “Yes, my Lord. Whatever your Lordship says.”

  The door to the drawing room was ajar and through the small gap he could see her. Wasting no time on niceties he marched in, shut the door behind him and said,

  “What the devil do you mean by refusing to see me?”

  “I should have thought my meaning was all too evident,” she said coolly. “Please leave at once.”

  “I will do no such thing.”

  “Then I shall summon the servants to eject you.”

  “If you mean Davis, I don’t think he’ll risk it. Don’t be a goose. The people in this house have known me for years. None of them is going to touch me on your orders.”

  “Then I am asking you to leave,” she said with dignity.

  “When I have said what I came to say.”

  “Be good enough to say it and leave.”

  “Hang it, Cliona, stop talking to me like an offended dowager.”

  She turned on him.

  “Sir, you have informed me that you are not a man of good reputation where women are concerned, and now I see it to be true. You have forced yourself into my presence and I find myself alone with you despite my protests.”

  “Cliona – ”

  But she had become an avenging fury. “May I remind you, sir, that it was you yourself who told me that ‘I should be more careful’. That was your way of calling me shameless, I suppose –”

  “It was not –”

  “Well, I am trying to be careful, but it’s very hard when I am assaulted by a rude man, who cares nothing if he compromises me – ”

  She broke off abruptly and turned away before her voice wobbled too obviously.

  “I apologise if you feel I have behaved badly,” said Charles stiffly. “I did not mean to come here – I tried to avoid it –”

  “How considerate of you!” she said angrily.

  “I came because it is my duty. I have to warn you – for your own sake – I cannot leave you in ignorance of – ” he took a deep breath. “I came about my cousin John.”

  She stared at him.

  “I saw him leaving here today,” Charles stumbled on, driven by his love and his despair, getting the words wrong, knowing it, but unable to stop.

  “I saw him depart and I saw how he kissed your hand and I have to warn you not to encourage his attentions.”

  A pall of icy dignity seemed to settle over Cliona.

  “You have already indicated that I am not good enough for you –”

  “I never –”

  “Now you wish me to know that I am not good enough for any of your family. Very well, you have said what you came to say. Now I demand that you leave.”

  “Why must you misunderstand me at every turn?” he cried. “Of course you are good enough for my family. You are far too good – ”

  He checked himself and sighed despondently.

  “I am doing this very badly. Just let me speak, and then I’ll leave you alone, I promise.”

  He could not bear to meet her eyes and see in them the look that set him at a distance, so he turned away and went to stand in the window.

  “When we first met,” he said, speaking with difficulty, “you knew at once that I was troubled. It was true, but I didn’t tell you what the trouble was. I wish now that I had.”

  “Why should it make a difference – now?”

  “Because the trouble was John. Is John. I told you that our fathers were twins. You saw the portraits. His father grew up with the idea that he was a dispossessed heir. He passed that notion on to John, who decided that I owed him something. In fact, he thinks I owe him everything.”

  He turned to face her.

  “He spends money like water and tosses the bills to me. I have always paid them because the alternative was seeing John put into a debtor’s gaol, and for the sake of my family name and the feelings of our grandmother, I could not allow it. He knows that. He counts on it. He spends and spends and has brought me to the edge of destruction.

  “Now I have to think of money, not for myself but for the sake of those who depend on me and to preserve my heritage. I have to think of it all the time. I cannot allow myself to think of anything else.

  “The other evening, I shouldn’t have gone out into the garden with you. I had no right, knowing that marriage between us was impossible. My only excuse is that I was weak. I longed for you and I – ”

  Her eyes were fixed on him in tense yearning, and he knew that her anger had melted. Now she was waiting, longing for him to say he loved her. But he could not say it.

  “I was not honest with you,” he said. “If I had been – things might be different between us now.”

  She was softening now, regarding him so sweetly that it almost broke him. But for her sake he would not yield.

  “But I was a coward,” he continued sharply. “I couldn’t bear to tell you the truth, and so I put a barrier between us that can never be torn down.”

  “Charles, you’re frightening me.”

  “There’s no need for you to be frightened. But let me tell you quickly, so that you can despise me as I despise myself, and then let there be an end.”

  His features stood out lividly as he spoke, so that she had an impression of a man beset by horror. He was like someone who had looked into hell, and still carried the mark.

  “I could never despise you. I lo- ”

  But she was silenced by his hand over her lips.

  “Don’t say that,” he begged. “Don’t love me, or if you do, don’t tell me. Spare me the knowledge that I have done you that harm. On my life, I never meant to hurt you. I did not understand until it was too late.”

  “But how can it be too late?” Her eyes widened. “Are you telling me that you are married already? You have a secret wife?”

  “Of course not” he almost shouted. “How can you think that of me even for a moment?”

  “Because you are determined to make me think ill of you, but you will not tell me why. So far all I know is that you kissed me and then rejected me. You made me feel that I had behaved badly, that in some way I wasn’t good enough –”

  “No, never that,” he groaned. “It was not you who
wasn’t good enough, but me. If you had known what a mean wretch I am, and how unworthy of you – ” He shook his head like a tormented bear trying to shake off wasps.

  Cliona stood very still. Her face was pale as she said,

  “Very well, tell me what a mean wretch you are, and let me judge for myself.”

  “I have a duty to my family, a duty to marry money. I cannot think of love. I have to marry for money and secure the family’s future.”

  Silence.

  At last he looked at her. Instead of the contempt he had expected, there was a little frown of concentration on her forehead.

  “You mean it doesn’t matter what the woman is like, as long as she has money?” she asked at last.

  He winced, but answered, “That’s right.”

  “She could be old and ugly, with bad teeth, as long as she has money?”

  He closed his eyes. “Yes.”

  Cliona’s answer, like everything about her, was unexpected. She walked to the mirror over the mantelpiece and looked earnestly into it. She then turned back to him.

  “You cannot see any lines yet,” she announced with an air of triumph, “and I don’t have bad teeth.” He felt a lump in his throat. “Please – ” he implored huskily. “Don’t.”

  “But I do have money.”

  “I know that now. I didn’t know it then. When I turned from you in the garden, it was because I thought you were penniless.”

  “But how could you? My wealth has been like a curse dogging me.”

  “But I knew nothing of it until I learned of John’s plans to pursue you for it. You told me about your life with your father, how he’d gambled away every penny. I didn’t know your uncle had left you a fortune in gold.

  “If I had known that, I should have pursued you. There, now you know the worst of me. I’m a miserable fortune hunter. I have to be. I don’t like it. I loathe myself for it, but it’s what I am.”

  “I don’t believe that” she replied. “Why must you judge yourself so harshly? Charles, in the short season I had in London I met fortune hunters of many kinds. I can pick them out. I have heard every plausible story, every lie. You don’t belong in that crowd. I know you don’t.”

  She gave a shaky smile and laid her hand on his arm.

  “If you were a true fortune hunter you would have asked me to marry you by now.”

  He stared.

  “Do you think I could ever ask you, after this?”

  “But if you need my money –”

  “Anybody’s money but yours,” he said violently. “I’ve behaved badly to you, but I will not sink to those depths.”

  “Have you behaved badly?” she asked, a little wistfully.

  “I should never have kissed you, but I couldn’t help myself. You were like balm to my soul. I had forgotten that such a woman as you existed – if I had ever really known.”

  He moved closer to her.

  “Do you understand what I am? A man who fled you when he thought you were penniless, but had second thoughts when he realised you were rich? Do you think I can ever pay court to you in those circumstances? Do you think I could live with you, always fearing to look into your eyes lest I see the scorn I deserve?”

  “But – you’ve explained it all to me now –”

  “Clever words to beguile you. Don’t trust them. Don’t trust me.” His voice grew harder as he lashed himself with derision. “I always knew how to make women fall in love with me. That’s an uncomfortable truth that you should consider. In your case I decided that an appearance of honesty would be the best way to allay your suspicions.”

  Cliona’s eyes were enormous in her pale face.

  “Is that really the truth?”

  “No, of course it isn’t,” he cried. “But how can you tell? It could be true, couldn’t it? I know you, you see. I know that you are honest and true, that your soul is as beautiful as your body, and the way to win you is to make you believe that I am the same.

  “Any man with his wits about him would come to you as I am doing, knowing that you would trust him for his frankness. It looks honest, you see. But a man who speaks ill of himself is sometimes telling the truth.”

  “Not you,” she said at once. “You say you know me, but I know you. You are incapable of dishonour. If you say you love me, I will believe you.”

  “That is why I cannot say it,” he told her bitterly. “How can we marry? Do you remember the words of the marriage service? ‘With all my worldly goods I thee endow.’”

  “They are beautiful words.”

  “Yes, they are beautiful words, but how could I say them to you, Cliona? With what worldly goods shall I endow you? My debts? My crumbling house? My walls with their empty places where the pictures have been sold? My cousin, who will spend your fortune when he has finished with mine? Shall he be my wedding gift to you?”

  “If you love me,” she faltered, “I wouldn’t care about anything else.”

  “How long would you believe that I love you, that I had married you for love?”

  “I will believe what you tell me.”

  He looked at her in silence, tortured but determined.

  “Oh I can’t bear this,” she cried. “You will break my heart for the sake of your pride.”

  “Cliona, please listen to me –”

  “No, it is you who should listen. Without me you will have to find another heiress. And then what will you do? Lie, and pretend to a love that you do not feel? Or tell her to her face that her money is all you want? Will either be more honourable than marrying a woman who loves you and whom you love?”

  “I have not said I love you.”

  “But you do. I know you do.” Her voice cracked with anguish. “And if you leave me now, you will condemn me to the others – the fortune hunting crowd who won’t be frank with me, as you have been. You will abandon me to liars and deceivers.”

  “You will see through them,” he said gently, “as you have before. And in the end you will find a better man and be glad that I let you go.”

  She had one further card to play. It was a dangerous one and she played it facing him defiantly.

  “What happens if you don’t find another woman with as much as you need?”

  His temper began to flare.

  “You are suggesting, I take it, that I should grab your fortune in case nothing better comes along? In other words, you think I am a cad.”

  “No, if you were a cad – or even a man of ordinary good sense – I wouldn’t have to suggest it.”

  “By your definition a man of ‘ordinary good sense’ is a man with no self-respect. I can’t behave as you think I ought to. I cannot grab like that. Not when it’s you. You mean too much. You are worth better.”

  “Charles – don’t throw away what we might have together from some mistaken notion of pride. Stop and think what you are doing, for both our sakes.”

  His face was like stone.

  “I cannot be other than the man I am. If I could – ” She sighed. “If you could, I could not love you so much.”

  “I’ll go now” said Charles. “But remember my warning. Stay clear of John.”

  The words seemed to trigger her anger. She stepped sharply back from him.

  “You have no right to say that to me,” she said proudly. “You have just severed all ties between us. Very well. I am free of you now, as you are free of me. I shall do as I please, and I shall see whoever I please.”

  “Cliona, be sensible. He’s a bad man.”

  “Perhaps I think differently. You need no longer concern yourself with my affairs. Good day to you, Lord Hartley.”

  “Cliona!”

  “Good day to you.”

  He had no choice but to give her a small, curt bow, and depart. He did not look back, so he did not see her run to the window and stand watching him until he was out of sight.

  *

  The day of the Merriton races was almost upon them, and Charles must give his whole attention to appearing as people exp
ected, the proud owner of two racehorses, concerned that they should perform at their best, but otherwise without a care in the world.

  The day would begin with the journey to the race track, five miles away. The ladies were to go by carriage, the men on horseback.

  A horse-drawn fourgon would also travel, bearing servants and hampers with a chicken and champagne lunch.

  The races were scheduled for the afternoon, after which certain honoured guests would stream back to Hartley Castle for the ball that always ended the first day of the races.

  In his agitation, Charles had almost forgotten the ball and would gladly have dispensed with it, had not his mother insisted.

  “My dear Charles, the Hartley ball is a tradition. It is expected. Your father never missed a year, and neither must you. Besides, the invitations have already gone out.”

  “Good heavens! When?”

  “Last week, as they always do. Really, you notice nothing these days.”

  There was one thing that Charles did notice, and that was John’s daily absences. He would ride out in the morning and come back in the evening, a satisfied smile on his face.

  Charles had even gone to the lengths of speaking to Sir Kenton, who knew the history of John’s behaviour and strongly disapproved of him.

  “I rely on you to forbid the match, sir,” he said.

  “Good lord, Charles, nobody’s going to ask me if I agree or disagree. Cliona will become of age soon, so whatever I did they could set the wedding date for the day after her twenty first.”

  “You don’t mean they are actually engaged?” asked Charles sharply.

  “They could be for all I know. Cliona and Martha put their heads together, laughing and talking, but they don’t tell me anything.”

  “But you know the truth about him,” Charles exploded.

  “Much good that does if a woman is in love. John can put himself out to be charming and Martha melts. Then she forgets what he is really like.”

  “And what does Lady Cliona say?” asked Charles, suddenly finding a spot on his boot that needed attention.

  “Merely that he’s delightful company and a good dancer. I caught them practising the waltz yesterday and she has promised him the first dance at the Hartley ball. They’ll probably make an announcement there. Good place for it.”